Vin's F*****g Uncensored Blog

4/29/08- You're missing out...

2008-04-28T23:52:00.003-05:00

...If you don't go to www.dogandponyshowwebsite.com and check out the tons of funny articles, blogs, hot chicks, podcasts, and hilarious videos like this one:

You only have yourself to blame if you don't register a free username and take part in commenting our content and downloading our podcasts over at www.dogandponyshowwebsite.com right now.

3/6/07- www.dogandponyshowwebsite.com...

2008-03-07T01:28:00.005-05:00

As I still own the rights to post on this site(and seeing as I still have people signed up for my RSS feed) I might as well use this space to whore out my new place of residence: www.dogandponyshowwebsite.com.

Here's some shit that i've been up to over at www.dogandponyshowwebsite.com:

New segments: http://www.dogandponyshowwebsite.com/?q=blogs/mightyvin/versus-nyc-vs-la

Updated classics: http://www.dogandponyshowwebsite.com/?q=content/idont-want-my-mtv

And Dog and Pony Show specific posts: http://www.dogandponyshowwebsite.com/?q=content/dapspecific-dave-pacheco-edition

It's more then I could ever begin to do on this shithole of a server. So come and join me over at www.dogandponyshowwebsite.com and be sure to take two minutes to register a username so that you can leave comments, download podcasts, and post on the forums.

2/8/08- When DAPS call, you must accept the charges(or else be forced to feel the wrath of Jean-Claude Van Damme)...

2008-02-08T02:54:00.000-05:00

That's right gang, i'm moving to a different server(this time it's an actual domain name).

Effective February 17th, I will become an offical member of "The Dog and Pony Show"(for more info on them look right below this post).

What does this all mean?

Well, in simple-terms it means that instead of posting here, from now on I will be the exclusive official featured blog of www.dogandponyshowwebsite.com (again, the site doesn't launch until the 17th, so it's just a splash/teaser page for now).

When the site launches there will be a sampling of some of my best work all ready and pre-packaged for a new and exciting audience. After all of the how-do-you-do best-of introductory posts are done with, I will start posting all-new material for your enjoyment. In other words: expect new material sometime around February 20th.

I would like to take the remainder of this post to thank Chris, Carlo, Andrew and everyone else over at DAPS for allowing me to join them in their new venture. Thanks guys!

See you all over at www.dogandponyshowwebsite.com on the 17th.

1/25/08- This Week's Guest: The Dog and Pony Show...

2008-01-25T01:08:00.000-05:00

In short: "Dog and Pony Show" is a comedy team that produce comedic videos via their website(www.dogandponyshowwebsite.com [the site has all of their videos up, but the site is really just a teaser for now until it launches on February 17th]) that have become quite popular as of late. Being featured on Best Week Ever, the "featured" page on Funnyordie.com, and also getting a ringing endorsement from popular celebrity blogger Perez Hilton. Since there is no real way of accurately describing D.A.P.S. without fucking it up. I give you their official myspace bio:

"Dog and Pony Show (DAPS) is the brain-child of former college newspaper writers Chris Olivieri and Carlo Montagnino along with Andrew Sotiriou, who does something with computers that both Chris and Carlo find completely uninteresting. DAPS, as we lovingly refer to it, is (in theory) a weekly online magazine that offers a glimpse into the brains of the afore mentioned trio. The brain-trust is joined by their apathetic army of constituents, who should (hopefully) aid the brain-trust in creating content that typifies and illuminates the world view of the publication."

Answering questions are DAPS editors in chief: Chris Olivieri, Carlo Montagnino and Andrew Sotiriou.

1. First of all, how did you guys come up with the name "Dog and Pony Show"?

Chris: Me and Carlo started out DAPS writing for our college newspaper the Banner, we knew that we were going to do comedy stuff but didn't have a catchy name. Like any other smart comedy writers would do, we went directly to the source of all good comedy names 'A Business Term Dictionary' (Note: Wikipedia says; "The term has come to mean any type of presentation or display that is somewhat pathetically contrived or overly intricate, or put on for purposes of gaining approval.")

Carlo: Yeah, I think the name works out well with what we are trying to do. The funny thing is that many people ask "who is the dog, and who is the pony?" these people are ignorant to what the term means. The question is aggravating.

Andrew: The name was created while Chris, Carlo and I were spelunking off the cost of Costa Rica. I was talking about my dog...Scotty, who you can see in Dancing with Scotty, and 1 guy 2 cups...But while we were spelunking I was telling the guys about this cute thing my dog does when he gets confused and then we rode ponies up to the cave to go spelunking and thus we came up with Dog and Pony but we needed something to catch people's interest so we decided to add the word "Show"....thus we have Dog and Pony Show.

2. It's pretty clear that making short films is your bread and butter. What was the first film you ever made?

Chris: I've always messed around with video, the first one of note featured a "Barbie like" Alex Rodriguez doll who spoke in a heavy Cubanish accent... I made that one with fellow DAPS writer Damian Thomas. It aired on my high school TV station, and people were very confused.

Carlo: The first video I made was a sketch comedy show with two friends from high school called "Hot Lunch." A lot of odd humor and making fun of pretentious artfags. Then came the UA movie and the Urine Trilogy with a lot of the present day DAPS crew.

Andrew: Well, if you count High School Musicals since they were filmed, or the time that I performed on a cruise ship that was just recording though. Otherwise I think the first video I shot was with Chris in high School when we went to Antietam. I personally can't recall what the video was about I just remember feeling very ill afterwards.

3. How many people make up the comedy troupe that is D.A.P.S .? Who are they?

Chris: First we consider ourselves a comedy collective, because we write, do video, audio, and anything else that comes into our warped consciousness. There are the three of us who you are lucky enough to interview, The aforementioned Damian Thomas, former 'Cousin Brother'Mike Bongiorno, CSI Banner Write Will Kline, Adam Miller and our friends who prefer to be known as only "Flam" and "Lobsterman." We're also going to be hosting a podcast called DEGOCAST by the immortal Emilio Sparks.

Carlo: At the moment there is something like 15 people who all come in and out of the pictue (when schedules permit). We're pretty tight knit, which makes for a good time doing anything, especially being funny.

Andrew: We have good number of people with various degrees in comedy, every single person that has joined our crack team has a very distinct version of what is funny. For example, I think when Chris falls down a staircase is funny...he tends to disagree. Also I believe that when I take Carlo's digital camera and take 148 pictures of myself is funny...he tends to disagree.

4. Which one of your short films are you the most proud of?

Chris: "Offensive Macbook" is my personal favorite.

Carlo: I like subtlety, so I'm going to go with "Out of This World" Then I'll agree with Chris. "Homosexuwhales" is slowly creepping into the spotlight for me as well.

Andrew: How can you make me pick on child over the other? That's just wrong. It makes me cry on the inside. My inner mother is crying that you asked her to choose a child to live and one to die. Do you know how painful this is for me and also how painful this is for you. How heartless can you be....Anyways, I will go with.......(insert Jeopardy music)....What is "Hide and Seek with a Blind Guy."

5. Who and where do you draw your influences from?

Chris: Kevin Smith, Norm MacDonald, Dmitri Martin, Jim Gaffigan, & Conan O'Brien

Carlo: Pretty much everything. From people on the bus to Law Service billboards. Everything is funny to me.

Andrew: Andy Kauffman, Andrew Sotiriou, Christopher Walken, Andrew Sotiriou, Christopher Loyd, Flight of the Conchords, Chris Rock, The Rock, George Carlin and of course one of my most favorite comedians that has ever set foot on stage Andrew Sotiriou. This guy is hysterical he always makes me laugh.

6. What music are you guys listening to these days?

Chris: I'm a huge Less Than Jake Fan, I'm also big into The Matches,Say Anything, You Me and Everyone We Know... Oh and I know all of the words to Will Smith's 'Gettin' Jiggy With It'

Carlo: I like Medeski, Martin, and Wood. They are a really cool jazzy trio. Broken Social Scene is always in the mix. And any Heavy Metal I can find (pre nu-metal that is.)

Andrew: I grew up on punk rock and metal. Nowadays I am kicking it old school with a lot of Led Zeppelin, Queen, Rolling Stones, Rush, and Red Hot Chili Peppers. But realistically I listen to a lot of everything.

7. T.V. shows you're watching?

Chris: I'm totally addicted to The Biggest Loser right now (It's sad really.) Lost, Heroes, Survivor, The Big Bang Theory, Weeds, The Office, Entourage, 30 Rock, My Name Is Earl, The Office, CSI:, I'm also very upset that Veronica Mars got cancelled; Wow, I need a girlfriend... ::cries::

Carlo: I don't really watch much TV. I like Tim and Eric. You can't avoid Scrubs and Family Guy at the moment. 30 Rock is pretty hysterical too.

Andrew: There are only three things I consistently watch: Heroes, Giants games, and Rangers games. Otherwise I will try and catch: Scrubs, Futurama, Simpsons, Family Guy, Californication, Lost (only on DVD, so I can choose), Ninja Warrior and cartoons. I also have a personal obsession with watching the Food Network, the only problem is even if I just finished eating watching this channel makes me hungry no matter what. I can just see Alton Brown cooking a delicious Red Snapper en Papillote, the smell of the onions, artichokes, garlic, lemon...Oh my I seem to be getting hungry again. This kids is why I can't watch the food channel.

8. Where do you guys see yourselves in 5 years?

Chris: I think we'll have quite the following, be making lots of money, and I'll be Married to Kristen Bell. I gave her a pound last year, there were fireworks she just doesn't know it yet. (don't tell Carlo or Drew, but i'm planning on going Gwen Stefani)

Carlo: Doing the exact same thing, just with more exposure. By that I mean nudity. I'll be directing porn.

Andrew: I see me trapped in an office working on deadlines and making the young interns go get me coffee. For all those future interns out there, I like my coffee light and sweet.

9. Funniest thing you have ever seen?

Chris: I could watch Norm MacDonald's movie Dirty Work like 40 times a day.

Carlo: Ever? ummmm wow, I don't know.

Andrew: Christopher Walken dancing in the Weapon of Choice video? That was funny...I guess.

10. www.dogandponyshowwebsite.com. For those who don't know, what is it?

Chris: Porn for the mind?

Carlo: Dogandponyshowwebsite.com is basically the online home of our party. It's where people everywhere can engage in discussion with a group of creative funny people and really belong. We use the metaphor of a party. Everyone is invited to the party, it's not ours, or yours,it's just a party. Fun!

Andrew: www.dogandponyshowwebsite.com is what it is. I will tell you that it is a whole lot of fun and everybody should start coming as soon as possible and some sweet awesomeness will happen in February 17th.

11. Lets end on some word association:I say Mayor McCheese, you say?

Chris: i'd hit that.

Carlo: Monster.

Andrew:Jerry Lee Lewis.

I say Cracker Barrell, you say?

Chris: Justin Harrell (of www.porknbomb.com)

Carlo: Cheese?

Andrew: Giant Robots.

and I say Fun Bubble, you say?

Chris: Virginity (as in I lost mine there)

Carlo: Oh the time when I was in 8th grade and got with some chick,then invited her to play with me in the ball pits during one of those dances. She looked at me like I was retarded. Very satisfying.

Andrew: Pin

Normally Here is where I would post a video of the persons in question that granted me the interview. But instead I direct you to their youtube page where you can go and decide for yourself which one of their videos tickles your fancy the most: www.youtube.com/dogandponyshowyoutub (the "e" got cut off)

1/23/08- The green elephant in the room...

2008-01-23T01:19:00.000-05:00

Limewire.

We all have it. We all use it. We all don't give a shit about what using it is doing to the recording industry.

Limewire has become the biggest elephant in the room since the stunning revelation that Freddy Mercury was gay. I'm convinced that there is some government conspiracy at work here. I mean, if the government really wanted to shut Limewire down and subsequently force people to actually pay for music, they could easily do so. Yet they allow this illegal download service to thrive in a musical climate where album sales are down and illegal downloads are up.

I think that the rise of Limewire is responsible for the rapid decline in the quality of music in general. Before Limewire came around, people were actually forced to make informed decisions about what music they wanted to buy. The operative word being "buy". Now that people don't need to shell out money to get their hands on music, all artists need in order to have a hit song is a catchy riff and a chorus that is so repetitive that it drills itself into your brain to the point where you can't get it out of your head, and thus you're hooked.

It cheapens music to the point where you might as well just give it away for fre.....oh, wait.

1/18/08- The REAL Comeback Kid...

2008-01-18T00:13:00.000-05:00

...ME. Not McCain or Huckabee, me.

That's right, I'm coming back. Why? Well I'm glad I asked.

First of all, the reason I left in the first place was because I set out to post articles on a constant basis, and when my job and college work started to limit the amount of time I could put into this site, I decided to leave it.

Then something weird and exciting started to happen: My site was still getting around the same amount of hits it was getting before I left after I left. This was also coupled with several weeks of discovering different comics and bands that would be perfect interview material. Also, those two things combined were coupled with myself getting pissed off at something and no longer having a place to vent.

And all of that combined leads me to where we are now.

Effective January 21st, I will return to this site. But, there will be one little change. I will become Maddox-esque in my frequency of article posting. Gone are the days of trying to cram out gold material every day of the week. The reality is that it just isn't possible. I'd rather post a few times a week at my leisure and churn out brilliant articles that will get passed around the internet et-nausium rather then waste all of my ammo on a single post and then half-ass the rest of that week.

Finally, I am certainly not one to make mistakes or be off the money on anything that I say. But I can honestly say, with no doubt in my mind, that I was a fucking idiot for thinking that I could just leave this all behind and be done with it.

Now that that's off of my chest, this brings my total ratio of times I've been right vs. times I've been wrong to:

154,865,427 - Right
1 - Wrong

It's time to get back to work.

12/31/07- The End: Part II...

2007-12-31T22:54:00.000-05:00

Well, this is it. The final post.

When you really think about it, I've accomplished a shitload of things for a seventeen year-old this past year. I built a site that went from 2,000 hits per day up to 85,000 hits at it's best. Some of my articles have been passed around message boards, sent to people all across the web via e-mail, and have gotten hundreds of thousands of hits.

I also got to interview some pretty cool people. including Paul Scheer, Aziz Ansari, Rob Huebel, Will Forte, Tay Zonday, Doug Benson, Karl Koch, Matt Senreich(creator of Robot Chicken), and Nick Kroll. Think about it. That's a huge fucking accomplishment in and of itself.

But enough about me, lets talk about you, the fans(yes, I have fans). Even though I am leaving this site to concentrate on radio, I am not forgetting about you. I have found a new way to give my uncensored opinion on stuff. Podcasting.

Starting on January 9th you can hear me every Wednesday night from 11:00pm-12:30am live at www.blogtalkradio.com/untitledshow. I will be joining "The Untitled Show": Hosted by myself and fellow DJ Andrew DiLorenzo. The show will consist of uncensored talk and new music. After every live show, that day's show goes up as a podcast that you can download onto your iPod by clicking the "upload to iTunes" link on the right side of the show page.

So, in essence, I'm not leaving, just moving to a new medium.

Now, on to the big "Thank You". Well, thank you. Thank you all who read my odd little posts. Thank you to everyone who sent me hate mail(and fan mail). Thank you to all of my guests from the past year. Thank you to [insert someone I have forgotten to mention].

Goodbye, for now. Remember: Never say never. I did not say that I would never return here, just that I am leaving.

I hope that you will all follow me over to "The Untitled Show" and support uncensored Internet radio and podcasts.

So long, Farewell, Goodbye, and in the immortal words of Paul "Fitzy" Fitzgerald: Go Fuck Yourself.

-Vin Forte(vaf89.blogspot.com and www.blogtalkradio.com/untitledshow)

12/24/07- Christmas Blowout Spectacular...

2007-12-24T02:31:00.000-05:00

Well, here it is. At long last, it's the VAF89 Christmas Blowout Spectacular. Full of new shit, old shit, and shit that was just plain awful. Enjoy!

Here are some "B-Sides" that were cut because of either length, quality, or time-sensitivity:

http://bestofvaf89.blogspot.com/2007/12/b-side.html

Here is a college essay I wrote for my COM 100 class. It is a review of the movie "Psycho":

http://bestofvaf89.blogspot.com/2007/12/movie-review-psycho.html

Here is a report that I did last year for Media class. I had to listen to Podcasts of Bill O'Reilly's radio show and write a review:

http://bestofvaf89.blogspot.com/2007/12/bill-oreilly-is-motherfucker.html

Here is that "Failed Interview" I was telling you about:

http://bestofvaf89.blogspot.com/2007/12/my-failed-interview-with-yoko-ono.html

The best hatemail ever:

http://bestofvaf89.blogspot.com/2007/12/my-favorite-piece-of-hatemail-ever.html

Now onto the "Best of the Blog":

Most well-received post goes to "Hockey Monkey" because no one can deny the appeal of monkeys + knives + ice + Death Zamboni = Awesome. :

http://vaf89.blogspot.com/2007/04/43007-hockey-monkey.html

Most controversial post goes to my "Radiohead" post. People were completely split down the middle about this. :

http://vaf89.blogspot.com/2007/11/11607-in-rainbows-in-red.html

Post with the least amount of hits goes to "Ramen Noodles". No big surprise there. :

http://vaf89.blogspot.com/2007/05/5707-ramen-noodles-because-your-moms-on.html

Finally, the post with the largest number of hits with 483,000 goes to "Vin Forte interviews all three members of Human Giant". Not a surprise. My site was one of the first to jump onto the Human Giant bandwagon before the damn wagon even existed. Having your interview be at the top of Google's search engine under "Human Giant" for two straight weeks while being linked to from www.humangiant.com doesn't hurt either. :

http://vaf89.blogspot.com/2007/04/this-weeks-guests-paul-scheer-rob.html

Now go and enjoy your Christmas, folks. Also, Fuck Chanukaha! Fuck Kwanzaa! And while i'm at it, Fuck political correctness! I'll be back on December 30th with my final post. Until then, go fuck yourself.

12/9/07- The End: Part I...

2007-12-09T20:28:00.000-05:00

To answer all of the e-mail that I have been receiving: Yes, I am hanging up my hat and leaving this site behind.

Effective December 31st, I will no longer be posting articles on this site. The reason? Well, there are several. The first, and most important, being that I work at a local radio station(WSIA 88.9fm) here in New York, and working there takes up a shitload of time. Then you add in the fact that I am now in college, I have assigned essays to type up, homework to complete, studying to do. Also, when I'm not dicking around at the station or writing sociology essays, I'm working at my medium-wage job to make enough income to stay above water.

Quite frankly, I don't have enough time in the day to post as frequently, or as passionately, as I would like to. So I have decided to go out on top and get out while the getting is good. My hits are at an all-time high(83,000 hits per day as of 3 weeks ago). This sudden burst of readership started to happen after I posted my exponentially negative review of Radiohead's new shit-tastic album. Apparently more people agree with me than I expected. And the hits grew from there.

As stated before, I want to start investing more time into my radio career. Working on my show, tooling around with it to find the right mix of concept and music, culling an audience and whatnot. The only reason I started this site in the first place was to have an outlet to vent and explore different ways of coming up with recurring segments and to have an outlet for all of this until I could score a radio gig. But now that I have one, I must go and work on it until I can reach the next stage of my career.

What happens now? Well. On December 24th, I will post, as promised, my "Christmas Blowout" of rare posts, essays, best-of posts, and failed interviews. After Christmas, on December 30th, I will post my final article on this site. What will it be about? Well, judging by the fact that THIS post is called "Part I", it will most-likely be "Part II".

What will happen to this site? Will I ever return to it? Is Tupac still alive? Answers to all of these questions and much, much more to come in "Part II". Until then, enjoy the ride while it lasts, because it isn't going to get any better than this when I'm gone.

12/4/07-12/8/07: Countdown to something...

2007-12-08T21:47:00.000-05:00

Oh, hello. I'll be stunting the blog until Sunday, when I make a big announcement. What is "Stunting"? "Stunting" is where you use video and/or sound clips that carry a recurring theme that tips off the listener/viewer/reader as to what the big announcement will be at the end of the aforementioned "Stunting". Videos will be posted sporadically until Sunday. Hint: The first video REALLY premiered during the last "Saturday Night Live" post.

Find the running theme in the first 3 videos, then the last 3, and take a wild guess. More details on Sunday...

12/3/07- Indie sucks and you know it...

2007-12-03T08:11:00.000-05:00

I'm sick and tired of all of these college student, Liberal douchebags bombarding me with their holier-than-thou, my-shit-doesn't-stink attitude about Indie music. It sucks! You're not going to convert me, shut the fuck up!

Why do these Indie-lovers hate every big label band? Their excuse, most of the time, is that all of the big label bands have sold out. How? Because they're actually good and can gain large followings outside of small factions of college students that don't already listen to either Pop or Rap? It's all complete bullshit.

Now i'm not saying that ALL Indie artists suck. But it is very fair to say that 90% of them do. What ever happened to just liking music? Just listening to something, Indie or not, liking it enough to buy the record, and just enjoying it. Why should I care if some college Liberal, vegan, pale-faced nobody thinks that I suck because I listen to Foo Fighters and not Tegan and Sara?

Fuck you! I'm not falling for it. I'll listen to whatever the fuck I want, when I want, and no pussy Indie suck-up is going to tell me otherwise. All of you shitheads who will only listen to Indie music can go beat-off to back issues of Alternative Press.

I simply just don't care about you and I hope that one day you are driving in your car and hear a song by Green Day from 1994 and thoroughly enjoy yourself, stop your car, realize that you have just enjoyed a song by a major-label band, and then proceed to admit that you have wasted your life and promptly drive off of a fucking cliff, subsequently dying in an inferno of fire and self-pity.

12/1/07- Saturday Night Live...

2007-12-03T07:52:00.000-05:00

This week's live cut is of Elvis Costello and The Attractions playing "Radio Radio" live after abruptly stopping "Less Than Zero". This was in protest of his label ordering him to play the less rebellious "Less Than Zero" over the controversial "Radio Radio" on Saturday Night Live back in the late-70's. Enjoy.

11/30/07- Al Gore is a douche and so are you...

2007-12-01T01:39:00.000-05:00

Fuck global warming. Why? Because it's wasting time that is part of my life and yours. Here's a little news flash for you: global warming doesn't fucking exist!

It was made up by scientists who desired money from the government in order to fund their other projects. But without the inclusion of a project like researching ways to stop the Earth from heating up into a ball of fire, they could never have gotten research grants from the government.

Also, these are the same fucking scientists who, back in the late-80's, said that we were going to be experiencing an ice-age in twenty years. Well, it's been twenty years and these assholes are now saying that the Earth is going to get warmer instead of colder? Why would I buy into anything they have to say after a huge fucking blunder like that?

As for the "proof" that the polar ice caps are melting, that's just the fucking liberals bending the truth. The fact is: there is ice, there is also a huge fucking fireball in the sky called the Sun, when the two meet it make the ice melt. What those liberal fucks aren't telling you is that the ice caps are regenerating at a faster rate then they ever have before. Whoops.

And then there's Al Gore. Al Gore is a giant douche and I don't give a shit about him in the least. He claims to be the savior of global warming, but in reality he flies around in Gulfstream jets that emit more carbon emissions then 10,000 Hummers. He also lives in a huge mansion that does not operate off of green power such as solar or wind. But the biggest snafu when it comes to Al Gore is that stupid Live Earth concert that was put on this past year. Great fucking job, Al. Do you realize how much pollution was created by THAT many people driving THAT many cars to one single location and throwing all of their trash on the ground while all of those performers fly to the concert in their big, carbon emitting jets? Once you figure out how much carbon was emitted from the drive to the concert, be sure to double that number to account for the trip back home from the concert.

The bottom line: There is no global warming crisis. The Earth's heat cycle goes in patterns. Every few decades there is a run of Indian Summers and heightened temperatures. This is also followed by a run of colder temperatures. Don't believe me? Google the yearly seasonal high and low temperature records from 1900 on, and you'll have all the proof you need to debunk Al Gore.

11/28/07- Paul Scheer talks to me about the Writers Guild of America strike...

2007-11-28T00:42:00.000-05:00

(left to right) Aziz Ansari and Paul Scheer on the picket line.

Writer, star of such shows as Human Giant and Best Week Ever, Upright Citizens Brigade alum, and good friend of the blog, Paul Scheer took some time out to talk to me this week about the W.G.A. strike and is here to break down just what exactly this whole strike actually means for the writers and you.

1. Most people have no clue what this writers strike is actually about. Quite frankly, what is it all about?

It's kinda complex but at the same time pretty simple. The Writers Guild protects the Writer's rights and helps create programs for residuals, payments, health care etc... and the Producers Guild represents the producers, they want to make sure that they get properly compensated for the projects they invest in.

The big hot button issue is that the producer's guild doesn't want to pay the writers for any of their projects in new media (mainly the internet). For example something like "Webisodes" from your favorite shows are written by writers and so far their hasn't been a program to compensate them for rendering such a service. The same is true for internet downloads. The writers believe that they should share in the revenue of these new types of technology but the producers keep telling the writer's it's too soon to tell if the internet is going to be profitable. However they are simultaneously telling their share holders that the internet is the future for new additional revenue. So something doesn't add up.

In 1988 during the last writer's strike the Producers made the same case with Home Video. They didn't believe Home Videos would be profitable and the writer's believed them and they saw very little revenue from the Billion Dollar DVD and VHS market. So this time the writers were cautious not to get screwed over.

For more detailed and better analysis of the situation check out www.deadlinehollywooddaily.com and www.unitedhollywood.com

2. What will the strike mean for people's favorite t.v. shows?

Well daily scripted Talk Shows were affected first. Shows like the Daily Show, Letterman, Colbert, Conan, etc...All have been in repeats for the last 2 and 1/2 weeks since the start of the strike. As far as scripted shows go right now people aren't really going to notice a big difference right away but in a few weeks scripted shows will also be going into repeats because the scripting of new episodes stopped when the strike started and once they run out of scripts shows go dark. Hypothetically if the strike was to continue for a long time. The only new shows you'd see would be REALITY SHOWS. Which would suck.

Movies are also being affected, for example The Davinci Code Sequel stopped Pre Production because of script problems that can't be fixed because of the writers strike. Even work on the new Star Trek Film has been compromised because JJ Abrams who is a WGA member as well as a director can't script any new lines while filming because doing so would violate the WGA stance on writing during the strike. Those are just 2 examples from a wide array of problems in the feature film world. So as you can see the problem is BIG.

3. Do you see the strike coming to an end anytime soon?

On Monday, the Producers and Writer's Guild have agreed to return to the table to continue negotiations after 2 weeks of silence. So that is a really good sign. But no one can be sure about when exactly this will end. However once both sides can agree to a fair deal and TV and Films can start again.

4. What is it like out there on the picket line? Are you finding it to be a suprisingly good place to network with other writers?

The Picket lines in NYC are a lot of fun actually unless it's raining, then it kinda sucks. But we do get to march around one of those one of those big inflatable pigs, that is pretty awesome. Obviously we are there with a defined purpose but it's great to see familiar faces and hang out with people who normally are swamped with work to do anything. I'm just really impressed and honored to be in a community who have come out in such a big way to support each other and this strike through picketing, viral videos, blog posts and even fund raising shows, like SNL and 30 Rock's live UCB Theater performances for the production staff of their shows.

5. What will be the impact of the strike on people who have roles other then a writer(such as producer, camera man, tech guys...etc)?

Production staff unfortunately is taking the biggest brunt of the strike because they are being fired from their jobs as shows and films stop production. Essentially many people are going on unemployment and unfortunately at the end of the strike these people won't benefit either way. The WGA and Producers Guild recognize that and it's in their best interests to get people back to work. I know this is one of the most troubling aspects of the strike for me. But luckily many of these people in production have been supportive of the writers and their stance, which is great.

A skit by Fred Armisen dealing with the strike:

11/27/07- VAF89 Mailbag...

2007-11-27T00:36:00.000-05:00

This month's hatemail:

Jordan from Westchester, P.A. writes:

"How can you say such things about Kanye West so soon after his own mother died?"

Well Jordan, it would seem as if you have a rare case of mental retardation with a slight outbreak of down syndrome, so i'm going to spell it out for you: I can say these things because they are based in logic, proven true by example, and wrapped in a blatant display of ego. Besides, if Kanye West, for some godawful reason, actually cares about what some seventeen year-old douche like me thinks about him on the internet, then he really is a bigger narcissist then i'm painting(and proving) him to be.

Dave from West Palm Beach, Florida writes:

"Why isn't Radiohead on your stupid list of the top 5 greatest bands of the 90's?"

First of all, if my list is so stupid, then why did you care about it enough to write me a letter? Second of all, as I have explained in a previous post, Radiohead has been getting way too much credit lately for releasing their album for free online(which I am calling a desperate move on their part to garner publicity). Go on Wikipedia and check the facts. "Creep" was a big hit in the mid-90's here in America, but was never topped. If you really want to get technical, they can be considered a one-hit-wonder. Before people go e-mailing me yet again, yes, I realize that they have maintained popularity in England, but as is the case with many one-hit-wonders. Shit, half of all of those 80's one-hit bands have seen some form of continued success across the pond, but have never been able to top themselves here in America.

Dana from Hoboken, New Jersey writes:

"At then end of your post about radio sucking so badly in a politically correct world, you said "Fuck Opie and Anthony". Why? What the fuck did they ever do?"

"What the fuck did they ever do?" Well, besides stealing ideas and bits from Howard Stern, not a goddamn fucking thing. They are one of the main reasons why radio sucks, because they are a prime example of how unoriginal and stale regular radio has become. They can't come up with interesting shit to say on their own, so they "shock" their audience with bits and gags that Howard Stern has been doing for years. Also, they are screwing their fans over big time. Why would someone who paid for a subscription to XM, just to hear Opie and Anthony, keep paying their monthly fee when they can hear most of the show on regular radio for free?

11/26/07- State of the Blog...

2007-11-27T00:02:00.000-05:00

The Rundown:

* I'm back. After stuffing my gullet with piles of the most delicious feast that you can imagine, and subsequently becoming ill with the flu because I was forced to deal with anemic, sickly customers all weekend at my job, I am back(you know you missed me).

* Interviews. Yeah, I know. I dropped the ball on the whole interview thing the past month. But I actually did make an effort to get people, it's just that when I threw out a line, no one bit. I'll try harder this month. But I was also a little sidelined by my next bullet point.

* My radio show. Yes, it is indeed true. I finally have my own radio show. It is broadcast once a week from 4:00pm-7:00pm every Wednesday on WSIA 88.9 fm New York. I know that 90% of you do not live in the radius of the station's broadcast signal, so come Wednesday, be sure to listen online at www.wsia.fm. Also, call me up and make a request, toll free, at: 1-(718)-982-3060.

* Christmas blowout. I made mention of this in the last S.O.T.B. This Christmas, I will be taking an extended Christmas break. Instead of leaving just a "Best-of", I will be leaving you an entire year-end blowout ensemble that should make you forget all about the fact that you got clothes for Christmas instead of an X-Box 360.

The following is a list of treats and rarities that you will find in the aforementioned "ensemble":

- A "Best of the Blog 2007 edition" highlighting links to some of the best posts of '07.

- Rare message board posts made by me.

- An exclusive "failed interview" that makes my interview with Patton Oswalt look like my interview with Human Giant.

- Slightly humorous essays from my High School era.

- B-side material that was too lengthy to cut it as part of just a cutting-room-floor montage at the end of each month, yet lacking large amounts of the normal dry wit and slight humor that would constitute me posting it on it's own.

- And much, much more(ok, not too much more, but maybe a few other things).

11/21/07- Californication vs. Californication...

2007-11-21T05:20:00.000-05:00

You may have heard that the Red Hot Chili Peppers are suing Showtime over the title of their latest hit show: "Californication". Some un-informed douchebag posted this on AOL NewsBlogger:

"The Red Hot Chili Peppers have sued Showtime over the title of the network's show "Californicating," claiming that the word is associated with the band. This seems foolish. First of all, they aren't the first band to think of it. There's a J. Geils Band song called "Californicatin'" from all the way back in 1984, from an album called "You're Gettin' Even While I'm Gettin' Odd" (now, that's original). Second of all, isn't this just a ploy by the band to get more publicity?"

This shithead could not be more wrong. There are many things wrong with that paragraph. The first being that the show is called "Californication"(like the Chili Peppers album and song) not "Californicating".

Second, the J. Geils reference is moot because their song is called "Californicatin'" NOT "Californication". Not that anyone even knows of "Californicatin'".

Third, the fucking word "Californication" IS associated with the band. It was their biggest selling album and their biggest selling single to date. They have excellent grounds to sue. When I first heard of the show "Californication" I thought that the band had an input in it somehow(something along the lines of the show using their music as a soundtrack). Also, I guess that this very informed "news writer" forgot to mention that there is a character on the show named "Dani California". Oops!

As for this putz claiming that this is a way for them to get publicity, I say this: Why would they need it? They've been around since the late 1980's and are still making commercially successful albums that are also beloved by critics.

Let me put it to you this way: if you were a band, and the titles from two of your songs as well as your most successful album were being used to sell a T.V. show for profit, wouldn't you want some fucking royalties?

11/20/07- Karma's a bitch...

2007-11-20T23:43:00.000-05:00

Back in September I posted my thoughts on Kanye West and how he has a huge, Trump-esque ego(see here: http://vaf89.blogspot.com/2007/09/91907-kanye-west-doesnt-care-about.html). I had a strong feeling that Karma would find it's way into his life one way or the other, and I was right.

Last week his mother died from plastic surgery malpractice. While in any other case I would feel sympathetic, in this case I can only just stand back and say that Kanye has finally paid for his big, overblown ego with his mother's life.

Why? Simple. Kanye and his mother grew up poor, humble people. Once Kanye got a little cash from his record sales, he was bitten by greed. In turn, his mother was also brought into the equation because she was his manager. She used Kanye's money to get the plastic surgery that killed her. So, in a way, Kanye West killed his own mother because if he never made all of that money off of stealing other people's instrumentals, his mother couldn't have taken his money, and couldn't have gotten plastic surgery, and wouldn't have died.

Also, it was reported that he broke down and cried on stage during a performance the other day. This further proves that Kanye West has a huge ego. Even though his fucking mother just kicked the bucket, he somehow still found time to perform instead of being with his family.

And don't fucking e-mail me saying: But Vin, he has contracts to obligate, he can't cancel all of his shows. Bullshit! The White Stripes canceled an entire leg of their tour last month because Meg White had a cold. If you can cancel an entire tour schedule for a fucking cold, I think that you can cancel a few performances because your own mother died.

11/17/07- Saturday Night Live...

2007-11-18T23:22:00.000-05:00

This week's live cut is of Wolfmother performing "Joker and the Thief" live at the Rock AM festival on June 6, 2007. Enjoy.

11/16/07- Top 5 Rock Bands of the 90's...

2007-11-16T05:27:00.000-05:00

#5- Pearl Jam:

The importance of Pearl Jam can't be ignored. It seems like there were dozens of Eddie Vedder rip-offs running around after Pearl Jam jumped on the scene. Their sound is, quite simply, one of those things that is often imitated, never duplicated.

#4- Red Hot Chili Peppers:

While Pearl Jam hasn't seen very lucrative record sales with their recent albums, Red Hot Chili Peppers have seen very consistent sales dating from 1990 up until today. Hell, "Stadium Arcadium" is one of their highest selling albums yet. While I don't see a whole lot of bands trying to steal their style, this may be due to the fact that it is pretty fucking hard to duplicate. When you hear a Chili Peppers song on the radio you can always tell by the first words out of your speakers that it is them.

#3- Green Day:

They have everything needed to make a legendary discography. The underground success, the hit album, the follow-up album that sells 4,000,000 copies but somehow still doesn't equal the success of their last, the next album that is considered solid but not as good as "Dookie", the quintessential flop album that becomes nothing more then a blip on the musical radar, the near death sentence of releasing a "Greatest Hits" album and a B-Sides album at the same time, and their latest resurgence at the hands of a rock-opera with political undertones and a plotline that is strangely reminiscent of something by J.D. Salinger. While they've won and lost and won back some fans along the way, there is no denying their staying power and ability to adapt to the times yet remain true to their music at the same time.

#2- Weezer:

After the death of Grunge(a.k.a. Kurt Cobain) Weezer was the first big band to emerge and set the tone for the next wave of Alternative music. But their impact, while big at the time with their revival of the "geek rock" style, would not be felt until a distant twelve years later when the entire genre of "EMO" would be attributed to them. ??? What? Well, apparently all of these "EMO" bands of today were really big fans of the album "Pinkerton"(which had emotional and raw lyrical content) and they took that to mean that by complaining about every little problem in their songs that they were somehow following in Weezer's footsteps, despite the fact that Weezer actually did have legit problems that they were making songs about, unlike all of these knock-offs that have dubbed themselves "EMO". So for better or for worse, Weezer comes in at number two for influencing an entire genre of music a full twelve years in advance.

#1- Nirvana:

I know, you saw it coming a mile away. You already know the story. A band from Seattle makes it big, influences every aspect of the youth culture, makes two great albums, Kurt Cobain kills himself, big legacy, Generation-X, Dave Grohl starts Foo Fighters, Foo Fighters become huge, there's a happy ending after all. But in all seriousness, while Weezer influenced a genre of music twelve years in advance, Nirvana created a genre of music in their own time. For that, they have more then earned the top spot.

11/14/07- Asshole of the Month...

2007-11-15T13:22:00.000-05:00

This month's asshole is:

Salvatore Roberts of London, England.

Our man Sal invited some friends from the States over to jolly old England for some tea and crumpets last summer and wanted to make damn sure that it was a trip that they wouldn't soon forget.

So, on the last night of his friends coming to visit him, Sal decided to make brownies for desert. But not just any brownies. No, these brownies were carefully laced with a potent mixture of Hashish and Peyote.

Upon ingesting the brownies, his guests started to hallucinate and become relaxed. This was mainly to distract them from the fact that he also put extra-strength laxatives in the brownies. When everyone woke up the next morning and the drugs started to wear off, they were all stunned to find that they had been sleeping, the entire night, covered in their own feces.

Naturally, they freaked out and left Sal's house vowing never to return. The closest thing they could get to revenge was contacting me and allowing me the distinct honor of awarding Salvatore Roberts as the "Asshole of the Month".

Be sure to send your submissions to assholeofthemonth@hotmail.com.

11/12/07- Radio killed the radio star...

2007-11-12T05:25:00.000-05:00

The past few years have not been good for radio(unless you're Sirius Satellite, in which case, you currently hold the world of radio by it's balls).

It seems like you can't say anything anymore. These big corporations such a Clear Channel and Emmis broadcasting hire interesting personalities from smaller markets, tell them to mix it up on-air and be interesting, and then when they actually say interesting and controversial shit they get thrown out on the street with nothing more then a blacklisted career and a voided contract.

Also, this whole deal about radio stations flipping formats needs to stop. There is absolutely no reason why New York(market 1) should be getting rid of their only modern rock station to make room for another talk station, just so they can spite Howard Stern and load the whole station with watered-down versions of him.

But while they're getting rid of their only modern rock station, there are at least six different variations of dance/hip-hop stations. On top of that, these stations don't even play real dance music. They play remixed versions of pop songs.

Terrestrial radio better pull the reigns back soon. Because while Clear Channel has it's head up it's ass, Satellite radio is becoming the fastest growing new technology in history(beating out cell phones). Why? Because there are no limits on Satellite radio. You can actually be interesting and not have to worry, on a daily basis, about if you will live to work another day.

Fuck Clear Channel, Fuck the FCC, Fuck Opie and Anthony, Fuck Free FM, and Fuck the 6 stations here in New York that play pop/rap/hip-hop remixes!

11/10/07- Saturday Night Live...

2007-11-12T04:59:00.000-05:00

This week's live cut is of Jimmy Eat World performing "The Middle" live on Conan back in 2002. Enjoy.

11/9/07- WSIA 88.9 fm...

2007-11-09T21:22:00.000-05:00

If you just so happen to live in the New York City area, then you might have heard of WSIA 88.9 fm(Alternative). It is one of the most listened to college stations in America with a reach of over 2.5 million people.

I will be doing an on-air demo this Wednesday night from 8 until 9. This means that, barring some massive on-air meltdown, by the end of November I will be hosting my own show. More details on that to come in time.

As of now, I am already a part of "The Coach and Face Sports Show" that airs every Thursday from 7:00pm until 9:00pm. The show is primarily NFL based, but spreads out into other sports after the NFL season.

You can listen 24/7 by going to www.wsia.fm or, if you live in the New York metro area, by tuning into 88.9 fm. The on-air request line is 1-(718)-982-3060.

11/7/07- You're not cool(or original)...

2007-11-08T00:27:00.000-05:00

I've had it up to here with Myspace. Sure, I respect the fact that it allows you to carve out a small niche for you to express yourself and keep in contact with friends. But I've had just about enough with all of these Myspace whores and their oh so generic and annoying profiles.

About 99.9% of every Myspace whore's profile can be described in the following paragraph:

Annoying profile song by some shit-head rap artist who will fade away just as fast as he appeared. Bright, sparkly, pink backround layout. Avitars of Boy Meets World, Family Guy, and Dane Cook. A big sign that reads: Beer pong champion. An "about me" description that contains more misspelled words than an essay on the Louisiana purchase written by a five year old with down syndrome. A bunch of comments by her other shit-head celebutard wannabe friends that say nothing more then "Yo U CuMmiN 2 Da PaRTy dIs WeEKeNd???". And of course, those oh so clever Myspace whore display names.

I swear to fucking God, there is actually a girl who has the display name: "they feen for her statuS- quO<3"

The only "status quo" this bitch is aspiring to achieve is drinking enough to not realize the fact that the condom broke, and now she's a 19 year-old college drop-out who now has to take care of an unwanted child while getting fat off of a diet of Funyuns and dog food because she was too fucking dumb to get a real job because she dropped out of college because she got pregnant because she drank to much because she was trying to achieve her idea of a "status quo".

I must stop here because if my whole "status quo, Myspace whore" rant didn't just prove my point, then nothing will.

11/6/07- "In Rainbows" in the red...

2007-11-06T23:34:00.000-05:00

"That pot of gold at the end of Radiohead's Rainbows may not be as full as thought. The band's ballyhooed In Rainbows, available only online at a price set by individual fans, may not be the paradigm-changing, label-killing force it's been hyped to be. A new study says nearly two-thirds of respondents indicated they didn't pay anything for the download." -Josh Grossberg, E!-News Online

I for one knew that this was going to happen. Why in God's name would someone willingly pay for music that they have the option of getting for free? It makes no sense whatsoever.

First of all, the media at large has been giving Radiohead way too much credit lately. This whole plan of theirs to release their album for free on the Internet isn't clever or inventive, it's desperate.

I mean, come on. Have you seen the sales of their last five albums? They sucked. I'd be surprised if Radiohead bought Radiohead's last five albums. It might just be me, but I always considered Radiohead a one hit wonder from the 90's. They had that one big song "Creep" and then dropped off of the face of the earth, until now.

Why now? I don't get it. This fucking band went into oblivion for ten years and all of a sudden are being treated like geniuses. For what? Releasing a shitty album for free?

A shitty album is a shitty album no matter how much it costs.

11/5/07- Crock of shit...

2007-11-05T20:49:00.000-05:00

Have you seen the latest trend in footwear lately? It's something called "crocks": shoes that are made of a Styrofoam-like stuff that have holes in them and (supposedly)reduce odor.

As you can tell by the photo above, they are quite possibly the ugliest things anyone could possibly wear. You may be saying: But Vin, you don't know shit about fashion or any of that faggot stuff. What gives you the right to judge others appearance?

Well, I may not be gay, but I know enough to realize when something looks ridiculous. And these "crocks" look like half-melted Styrofoam beer holsters. I was also alerted by someone that you can buy a cream called "crock butter" that you rub on the shoes in order to diminish odor.

This is a typical case-and-point about this fad-footwear. The company claims that the shoes are odorless, yet you have to buy a separate cream to rub on the shoe in order to get rid of fucking odor.

It's just a huge scam. They sell the shoes fairly cheap, but rip you off by making their profits on the "crock butter". Dear God, even the name "crock butter" sounds so obviously lame and contrite that people should be immediately suspicious.

This country's gone to shit. No, this country's gone to crock butter.

11/3/07- Saturday Night Live...

2007-11-03T18:55:00.000-05:00

This week's live cut is of Green Day performing "When I Come Around" at the now infamous Woodstock '94. Note the amount of mud. Enjoy.

11/2/07- Drive my car(off a cliff, you bitch)...

2007-11-02T00:02:00.000-05:00

If I were to tell you that Paul McCartney's ex-wife, Heather Mills, wanted $100,000,000 from their divorce settlement, what would your reaction be? Let me answer that for you.

You: What the fuck? That gold digging slut. How dare she ask for more then $3 million, let alone $100,000,000. I hope Mark David Chapman kills her and is given a knighthood by the queen. Get AIDs and drop dead, you whore.

All good answers. The fact is that not only is she asking for an insane amount of money, but she's taking it from Paul McCartney. What kind of person has the balls to take that kind of cash away from the most beloved and respected musician in history? Apparently his ex-wife.

Now she's going around complaining that the media is painting her to be a gold digger and a bitch. Whaaaaaaaaa! Cry me a fucking river. You claim not to be a gold digger, but at the same time are trying to fleece $100,000,000 from Paul McCartney. Did YOU write "Abby Road"? Did YOU write "The White Album"? NO! So, therefore you are entitled to nothing.

I like how she claims to have been well known before marrying an ex-Beatle. Yeah, right. Because her charity work was the reason she was on "Dancing with the Stars"(and i'm using the term "stars" very loosely).

11/1/07- The fun machine took a shit and died...

2007-11-01T12:30:00.000-05:00

The past week has been quite a jolly fucking mess. No, I did not take a break or contemplate getting rid of this site. The reason I have been gone for the past week is because, for some unexplained reason, the server broke down.

I apologize deeply from the bottom of by blackened, cynical, obnoxious heart. If this ever happens again I will be forced to switch to a new domain address. But for now, the show must go on.

Instead of taking Sundays off, I will put up posts for, at least, the next few weeks in order to make up for lost time. In fact, expect another post later today.

Once again to reiterate: My server broke down, I'm now back online, I'm sorry for the inconvenience, regular programming to continue tonight.

10/24/07- VAF89 Mailbag...

2007-10-24T19:32:00.000-05:00

It's that time again where I attempt to answer some hate mail. If you read yesterday's post, then you will be happy to hear that every piece of hate mail today was culled by me with specific note to yesterday's post. Let's get started, shall we.

Bill from Toronto, Canada wrote:

"What the fuck was that? You wrote a fake pilot with some shitty plot involving greed and how it corrupts us to the point of destruction. Gay. I could write a better draft while taking a shit in my bathtub. You suck."

First of all, when do you ever see a rough draft about the future that includes the theory that greed will be the thing to do us in? I'd say that I at least score some points there. Second, why in God's name would you take a shit in your bathtub? And third, saying "you suck" is a blatant cop-out of an insult. You honestly couldn't come up with anything more creative? "You suck" coming from the man who claims that he can, no less, write an entire story draft while simultaneously shitting in his bathtub.

Pete from Anchorage, Alaska wrote:

"That story outline you wrote was a complete waste of my time. I just lost ten minutes of my life reading that. I hope that you're happy."

Yes, I am happy. I am, at this very moment, laughing at the fact that you bitch to me about wasting your time, yet you just wasted your own time writing a shitty piece of hate mail to me. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you irony.

Paulie from Gainsville, South Carolina wrote:

"Lance MacGuffin is a uninspired and faggotty name."

I respect your opinion about the name being "faggotty", but uninspired? I used the word MacGuffin because the literal definition of the word is "to act as nothing more then a vehicle to move the plotline along". This relates to the fact that Lance acts as nothing more then a narrator and example of the real story that is the deconstruction of society by way of it's lust for greed. Next time, learn to read between the fucking lines, you faggot. What kind of a name is Paulie anyway? It's so faggotty and uninspired.

10/22/07- Pilot idea #16582...

2007-10-22T22:52:00.000-05:00

This is a new segment where I debut an original short story that I feel might have the trappings of the beginnings of a movie or T.V. show. Feel free to provide me with feedback at vaf89@hotmail.com. Your feedback will be evaluated and commented on in a special "Mailbag" segment to be posted tomorrow. Enjoy.

3001: A space tragedy

It is the year 3001. Our world is one of ruin and peril. Humans have been relegated to the role of “pitiful warrior” under the rule of President Nixon. Let me explain. My name is Lance MacGuffin, and this is my story.

Around 2350 our best and brightest scientists discovered a way to keep humans alive…somewhat. You see, they weren’t able to revive human bodies, but instead, were able to revive human brains and tissue. Basically, this allowed for dead people to have their heads revived and placed into glass containers that are filled with serum X159(a liquid that, in lemans terms, allows the head to function, think, and talk). Thus entered a time of awe and wondrous amazement at the reality that our deceased family members could now be brought back from death to live with us all again, albeit in a lesser form.

Fast forward to the Earth election of the year 2999. Every single President that ever held the office is now in the current running. Washington, Lincoln, and Gore(elected in 2008 as the Green party candidate) were all close front-runners up until Nixon threw his hat into the ring. The time we lived in just a few years ago was one of absolutely zero worry. So, while Washington, Lincoln, and Gore were touting a strategy of diplomacy, Nixon held onto a platform loaded with grand promises of unattainable wealth and fortune to be granted to all humans. He threw out one crazy fishing line, but, for some reason, people bit. Nixon won with the biggest landslide in voting history with 87% of all Earth voters. I remember saying that day: May God have mercy on us all.

Within the first few months of his tenure, Nixon gave every man, woman, and child on Earth $1,000,000. It was meant to be a quick fix to any and all problems that the average family might encounter. But with great wealth came great power, and with great power comes great responsibility. Responsibility that the people of Earth were not ready to handle. People took their money and became power-hungry. People used the money to buy protection: weapons, security systems, hired muscle. People slowly became defensive. They grew to believe that everyone was out to steal their possessions, of which were vast. Arguments became riots, and riots became bloodbaths. People had grown to become too materialistic. The National Guard couldn’t break up the riots because the people starting the riots were able to afford weapons and defense equipment that was on par, if not better, then theirs. This brings me to the present day: The Apocalypse.

The Apocalypse did not come in the form of four horsemen. It came in the form of six billion people that have way too much money and no way to control their lust for greed. I live in a small system of underground tunnels that were left behind from the war of 2476. I am surrounded with the few people, like me, that did not fall for Nixon’s cop-out of a platform. We return to the surface only to stock up on food and water, nothing else. I have no family. My wife and daughter were killed by surface dwellers that had literally gone crazy with power. Power that was given to them by their wealth. Wealth that was given to them by Nixon.

I used to spend my days playing with my little girl in the backyard and making love to my wife. Now my days are filled with playing mind games to keep occupied and making love to a bottle of water that I pretend is whiskey. I can remember times of great joy: watching my daughter run off to her first day of preschool, marrying my wife, spending time together with close friends. Now I can remember more recent times of great fear and sadness: the day the riots started, the time that a surface dweller found our hideout and I was forced to kill him, and the day my family was taken from me way too soon.

Nixon? I don’t know what happened to him. Maybe he jumped on Space Force One and fled to the Moon colony. Hopefully, maybe the surface dwellers realized what had become of them and decided to destroy the root of their problem. Honestly, it doesn’t matter to me now. All I am concerned about is living to write to you[someone, anyone] another day. For when this moment in history passes, it must never be forgotten. It must be used as an example of what can happen when greed and power get into the hands of many.

Greed has turned a once peaceful race into an army of pitiful warriors: people who fight for survival in a battle that never had to happen yet is now necessary if you absolutely desire to stay alive.

10/20/07- Saturday Night Live...

2007-10-20T21:37:00.000-05:00

This week's live cut is of Black Sabbath performing "Iron Man" at Ozzfest 2006. Enjoy.

10/19/07- State of the Blog...

2007-10-20T20:21:00.000-05:00

State of the Blog for 10/19/07:

* Halloween. Yes, there will be a few Halloween blogs in the works for the next few weeks. So stop asking me.

* November. I'm waiting for Halloween to be over before I start posting more interviews again. Believe me when I tell you that I have some pretty interesting people lined up. They're just all penciled in for November.

* Christmas. Christmas? Yes, Christmas. I am going to be taking my next extended(week long) break the week of Christmas. As such, I am planning a huge blowout of rare and previously unreleased postings and essays penned by yours truly. It will be my Christmas gift to you all. What will this mean/entail? See the next bulletin.

* My Christmas gift of B-sides and rarities will include:

- Full length threads started by me from various message boards.
- The best posts of mine from various message boards.
- Links to the top 5 blogs of mine from this site this year.
- Humorous editorials from my high school years.
- College essays of mine that may or may not interest you.
- And a "failed interview" that makes my interview with Patton Oswalt look phenomenal by comparison(more details on who the "failed interview" was with in December).

10/18/07- Review: The Mix-Up...

2007-10-19T21:11:00.000-05:00

Only real Beastie Boys fans bothered to pick up a copy of their latest album "The Mix-Up" this past summer. Which is a damn shame. The album got a bum rap from casual fans due to the fact that it was an album compiled of all original instrumentals.

These instrumentals were a cool blend of rock, funk, and hip-hop that solidified the genius of the Beastie Boys for those who were ever on the fence. I guarantee that a good handful of these tracks will find their way onto several movie soundtracks in the coming years.

People forget that one of the reasons that the Beastie Boys have such high credibility is because, unlike most hip-hop artists that use rock music, they actually compose and play their own stuff. Not only that, but what they play is actually surprisingly well thought out and well crafted.

Don't believe me? Give a listen to "Off the grid"(track 7) and I dare you to not echo the thoughts of the last paragraph.

Recommended Tracks: 3, 5, 7, 8.

10/17/07- "Torre trouble" or "Joe blows"...

2007-10-17T20:51:00.000-05:00

Today, New York Yankee management went down to their Florida training camp to decide on the fate of manager Joe Torre.

What is there to discuss? The guy got the Yankees to the playoffs every single year of his tenure so far. Why fire him? Oh, because he hasn't won a World Series in seven years. Whaaaaa! Cry me a fucking river.

God forbid the Yankees don't win five World Series' in a fucking row. Most teams could only dream of making it to the playoffs every year. In my opinion, once a team makes it to the playoffs it's up to the players to push themselves and get motivated enough to win.

The Cubs haven't won a title in 86 years, you don't hear them bitching and moaning over it. George Steinbrenner needs to die already and let more capable hands manage his million dollar Mexicans.

Besides, how can you blame the Yankees choking in the playoffs on Torre? Was Torre the one who was pitching shitty or striking out at bat? I think not. What about Gay-Rod? If anything, fire his overpaid ass for choking for the third straight year in the playoffs.

Bottom line: Leave Torre be, fire A-Rod, and may George Steinbrenner die a quick and painful death befitting of the cold, heartless bastard he is.

10/15/07- The Price is Right(albeit a tad overweight)...

2007-10-15T19:13:00.000-05:00

Today marked a new era in television history. The Price is Right began it's 36th season run sans Bob Barker. Instead, Drew Carey takes the helm of the greatest game show in history. And it's not bad.

Seriously, it's actually pretty damn good. Carey actually bring something to the table that Barker never could have: the ability to tell jokes and crack wise. While Barker was certainly the most respected and professional host around, he still came across a bit cold. It always felt as if you could easily piss him off by saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.

Carey, on the other hand, is the proverbial everyman. Not to mention that he looks like he jumped out of 1973, with his army cut hair and thick glasses. This style keeps in line one very important aspect of The Price is Right: timelessness. It's been the same game for years and it's great every time. The whole retro-70s look has been a staple of the show forever. Why change it?

I think that the future of our favorite game show is in good hands. So the next time you're out sick or don't have class around 11:00am, have no fear. Your favorite t.v. pastime is still fun, still retro-comfort t.v., and still full of college students and old people freaking out about the chance to win a shitty dinette set and matching golf clubs.

10/13/07- Saturday Night Live...

2007-10-13T18:14:00.000-05:00

This week's live cut is of Slipknot performing "The Heretic Anthem" live on Conan, airdate August 15, 2000. Remember: all month long we're celebrating Halloween by bringing you rare, live sets from the darkest relms of the Metal universe. Enjoy.

10/12/07- Review: Era Vulgaris...

2007-10-13T18:00:00.000-05:00

I'm well aware that Queens of the Stone Age released their latest album over the past summer. But, while it sold well, it didn't sell as well as people thought it would. In my opinion, it will eventually be their one album that, when people look back on their entire discography, will be seen as the underrated album.

It has a unique sound to it, as every Queens... album does. This is due to the fact that no two albums are ever recorded by the same lineup. Lead singer, Josh Homme, makes damn sure that people get a fresh experience every time they listen to a new album. If for no other reason, this is why you should give this album a listen if you passed over it during summer.

The sound is very cold and robotic. This is a good thing. What I'm saying is that it feels as if they somehow took guitars, drums, bass, a powerdrill, and fire, put them in a blender and churned out an album.

Tracks recommended: 2, 6, 7, 8.

10/11/07- Asshole of the month...

2007-10-11T21:54:00.000-05:00

This month's asshole:

Jason Conti from Bethesda, Maryland

Young James was feeling quite bored one day and decided to spice things up. So he went to his kitchen, and while preparing dinner for him and his roommate, decided to relieve his bladder into the chicken noodle soup. Thus, transforming it from chicken noodle soup into pee soup. When his roommate came home, he sat down and drank the entire pee soup, complaining throughout that it "tasted a little funny". Well, the roommate wasn't laughing when he found out that James had pissed in his soup. He punched James in the face and stormed out of the apartment, never to return there again.

For taking a piss in your friend's chicken noodle soup, I crown you, James Conti, this month's "Asshole of the month"!

Send your submissions for "Asshole of the month" to: assholeofthemonth@hotmail.com.

10/10/07- The gay white way...

2007-10-10T19:46:00.000-05:00

The New York Times is reporting that Broadway may go on strike next week. The only question left to ask: Who gives a shit?

I honestly don't know one person who has ever been even remotely passionate about going to see a play(on Broadway or off). The only people who have major hard-ons for musicals are chubby girls who had no friends in high school, drama club fags, and 90 year old women who are close to grim death.

Why would I go to see a bunch of flamboyant "actors" play dress-up and sing showtunes, when I could be at home watching people beat the shit out of each other in "300" on a crystal-clear high-definition television? It doesn't make sense.

"Oh, but what about "The Producers"? It was a comedy that only the likes of Broadway could make shine."

Fuck "The Producers" on Broadway! They took a great Mel Brooks classic and fagged it all up. Nathan Lane? Come on. And God knows that Matthew Broderick hasn't been funny, nor relevant since "Ferris Buellers Day Off".

Face it, Broadway, you're washed up, a has-been, you're old news. The future[present] is in motion pictures and new-fangled digital video discs. The lights are on, but nobody's home. You're just like grandpa: old, dated, and even though you're still alive, nobody cares enough to visit you anymore.

10/8/07- Screwed, Royally...

2007-10-08T22:09:00.000-05:00

America has completely gone down the shithole. From the media to the culture, and the people who make up both. America has nothing to [willingly]stride for anymore.

We used to be a country the strided to one day create citizens and role-models that would rival the British Royal Family in their heyday. We were close to it, back in the first half of the twentieth century. But now look at our "royalty".

After J.F.K. Jr. died, America's "royalty" went to shit. Now people like Britney Spears and the Hilton family are considered America's high society. Are you fucking kidding me? How did this happen? It boggles the mind on a level that the human brain simply can't comprehend.

There were no set chain of events that led to this decline. It just happened out of thin air. That's what perplexes me. How could the definition of American high-class be raped of it's glory in one fell swoop?

This very topic itself contains so little logic that would point towards an answer that the whole thing becomes painfully redundant. That's fucking sad. What happened to you, America? You've settled on a roadside skank, when you know that you could easily marry perfection.

10/6/07- Saturday night live...

2007-10-07T00:00:00.000-05:00

This week's live cut is of Rob Zombie performing "American Witch" live on Letterman from October 25, 2006.

10/5/07- It came from Craigslist!...

2007-10-06T18:49:00.000-05:00

It's time again to venture into the bowels of the most popular classified section in America: Craigslist. This month's selection comes from the "Items Wanted" section of the San Fransisco Craigslist.

Subject: "Human Skull"

"I am looking for anyone who has recently had a passing in their family. I am seeking a generous person who would be willing to donate their deceased family member's skull to me. I will pay you upwards of $5,000 for the skull(depending on it's size, shape, color...etc).

You may be wondering why, exactly, I require the human skull? Well, I am a Satanist. This month I am hosting a Halloween ritual in which I require a [human]skull to drink pig blood from. If you want me to go into more detail about what the ritual will mean for your loved one's deceased head, contact me at 1-(315)-***-****. But you can rest assured that the skull will be treated with the utmost care and dignity during the sacred ritual.

You are free to come and join in the ritual as well, so long as you have confirmed that the skull, in fact, belongs to a member of your immediate family.

Peace, love, and Satan -Horny Greg"

10/4/07- History 101: Surf Wax America...

2007-10-04T19:52:00.001-05:00

I'm starting a new segment in which I look back and examine different periods in U.S. history. Today I will be focusing on the 1950's.

The fifties. The world was a much different place back then. People were enjoying the music of bands like the Beach Boys, Jay Black and the Americans, and Elvis(pre-morbid obesity and drug use). Air raid and nuclear fallout drills were all the rage. Blacks drank from separate fountains and took seats in the backs of public buses from sea to shining sea. Fads like surfing and racism were sweeping the nation. It was truly a great time to be alive.

Now look at us. Music has gone to shit. We actually need to bring back those nuclear fallout drills. Black people roam free in the night. Surfing isn't as popular, but racism is hotter then ever. Isn't that right, Michael Richards?

Even though this was a time of "innocence" in America, there was some pretty heavy shit going down in the backdrop of the decade. When you really think about it, it was a pretty fucking scary time to be alive. There was the threat of war at any moment. Race riots were common everyday happenings. Disease ran rampant.

Nowadays, we are actually part of several wars. Race riots happen in places like schools now. Diseases of the past, like Polio, are virtually eliminated, but now we have AIDs to deal with instead.

Was it really more care-free back then? Or are we possibly safer now?

10/2/07- State of the Blog...

2007-10-03T23:46:00.000-05:00

The Rundown:

* Guests. Not this week, but in the weeks to come, I will be posting more interviews with comics and personalities. So there.

* October. All month long, in honor of October being the month where Rock music seems to be king, I will be posting reviews of new albums as well as a few albums that you may have overlooked from this past year. So if you notice a strange abundance of music reviews, don't say I didn't tell you about it. Also, I refuse to call it "Rocktober". Something about it just feels lame. In other words: I don't want 500 e-mails telling me to call this month "Rocktober", because it's not happening.

* Theme week. Yes, the next theme week will be the week of Halloween. It will begin the Friday before Halloween and will go until Wednesday(Halloween).

* Saturday night live. All month long, the very popular segment of live sets from great artists: "Saturday night live" will be filled with artists that embody the black heart of heavy metal in honor of Halloween.

* Send any and all feedback to: vaf89@hotmail.com

* Send your stories and pictures for "Asshole of the month" to: assholeofthemonth@hotmail.com

10/1/07- The B-side...

2007-10-01T03:04:00.000-05:00

This month's serving of extra material that was cut for quality and length includes extra material from my interview with SNL's Will Forte, as well as a post about the MTV Video Music Awards that got cut because of length and redundancy. Enjoy.

This week's guest: Will Forte[bonus content]...

12. Out of all the guest hosts, Christopher Walken seems to be the one that everyone wants to know more about. Any interesting stories about him from a time when he hosted?

No. Not really. He hasn't hosted in a while and the last time he hosted, I was still pretty nervous around the hosts. So I never got a chance to really get to know him.

The last train[wreck] to obscurity...

The VMAs were last night, and MTV has officially killed the last shred of musical programming on it's network.

From the fact that their musical "performances" were nothing more then ringtone length clips of songs, to the notion that MTV's "savior" would come in the form of a chubby, scantily-clad, has-been, lip-syncing, sorry excuse for a human life, also known as Brittany Spears. This shit literally writes itself. By posting a story about this debacle would only prove to be time-wasting and redundant.

You already know how to feel about this one. There's no need for me to spell any of it out for you.

9/29/07- Saturday night live...

2007-09-29T20:10:00.000-05:00

This week's live cut is of a 1995 performance of "Buddy Holly" by Weezer, recorded at an unknown venue in California.

9/28/07- Vaf89 Mailbag...

2007-09-28T23:06:00.000-05:00

It's that time again. The time, each month, where I dig into my hundreds of e-mails and filter out only the best of the worst to be answered. "The Vaf89 Mailbag". Enjoy.

Frank from Georgia writes:

"In regard to your post about Dr. Seuss being gay, what evidence do you have to support such a brazen and childish claim? Or are you just making it all up? Maybe you're such a terrible blogger that you feel the need to mislead your readers and go off on wild rants about the sexual orientation of one of our greatest childhood heroes. It's people like you that make the terrorists hate us."

First of all, I severely doubt that I'm the reason that the terrorists hate us. If anything, they would love me for potentially soiling the legacy of one of America's most beloved childhood icons.

Second, I never actually claimed to have any evidence whatsoever that he was gay. I simply just went on a wild rant involving comical bulletpoints that made light of the fact that many of his books(intended for children, mind you) contained many homosexual innuendos. But to answer your question: Yes. I did make up everything in that post. Instead of being original and stealing jokes and ideas from somewhere else, I decided to come up with my own jokes and banter, and put them into print. Fucking idiot.

Jenna from Ohio writes:

"What the fuck do you have against EMOs?"

Dear Jenna,

You are a fucking douchebag. I refuse to be redundant, so I will direct you to the following link: http://vaf89.blogspot.com/2007/09/91207-vins-fg-uncensored-i-hate-emo.html

Now go run along and daydream of razorblades and pointless, silent rebellion.

Pete from Florida writes:

"How can you honestly say that Kanye West sucks? Where are your millions of dollars in album sales?"

I never said that he wasn't successful. I simply just said that he is a terrible artist that just so happens to be appealing to stupid white kids between the ages of 12-16 who live in large suburban areas, while simultaneously setting black people back 50 years. It's people like Kanye West that make the word "nigger" feel so right, when you know it's so wrong.

As for his millions of dollars in album sales, I hope that he loses all of it in a tragedy worse then 9-11, Pearl Harbor, and Hurricane Katrina combined. Also, like me, you too don't have millions of dollars in album sales. But, unlike me, you bought into his bullshit, subsequently adding to his millions of dollars. You should feel proud of yourself for successfully becoming a corporate tool.

9/27/07- Review: Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace...

2007-09-28T00:55:00.000-05:00

As a staff member and reviewer for my local radio station(WSIA 88.9fm New York), I receive advance copies of all the new music that comes out several days or even a couple of weeks in advance. Recently I received an advance copy of the Foo Fighters new album "Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace".

To describe this latest offering from them as a solid effort would be a gross understatement. This might just be their best album since 1996's "The Colour and the Shape". "Echoes.." mixes some of the Foo Fighters strongest hard rock to date with some of their greatest acoustic work to date.

The album starts off with "The Pretender", "Let it Die", and "Erase/Replace". All solid tracks of stylized rock excellence. Then the album moves into more acoustic territory, but quickly jump right back into familiar territory to their last album "Skin and Bones".

It's tracks like the aforementioned "Let it Die" that make you realize how much better Linkin Park's latest album could have been. In other words: This album puts every other major rock album that was released this year to shame and shows you how the big boys do it.

Only the Foo Fighters could successfully create an album that brings together the best aspects of hard rock and acoustic offerings.

Recommended tracks: 1, 2, 3, 4, 7.

9/26/07- [Iranian]Asshole of the month...

2007-09-27T01:58:00.000-05:00

This past week, Iranian leader, and Steve Carrell look-a-like, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, spoke at Columbia University. This sparked the outrage of Americans from sea to shining sea.

Why is the leader of Iran, the nation that funded the destruction of the twin towers, getting to speak as a guest of honor at a major U.S. university? It makes no sense whatsoever. I like when people assume that this is a free speech issue. It’s not.

It’s simple logic and how you want to represent yourself. Is it logical to invite the head of a dictatorship to speak in a university that is located in the middle of a city that he helped to fund the partial destruction of? No. Is it a good idea to have that man speak to young, impressionable minds in an open forum about how he has no homosexuals in his country[because he killed them all]? Hell no.

Quite frankly, fuck the leader of Iran. He came to our country, spoke his evil rhetoric, got bad press, and he deserves every bit of it. He doesn’t deserve the right to come to our nation at all, let alone speak in it. He is a terrorist. Would you invite Osama Bin Laden to speak at N.Y.U.? I think not.

9/25/07- Finish the fight(via your mom's basement)...

2007-09-25T18:03:00.000-05:00

Halo 3. That pretty much sums it up.

Yes, it's finally here. Yes, it's fucking awesome. Yes, people spend WAY too much time playing it.

I still can't believe that people are taking days and weeks off work to play a game. A game. At the end of the day, I like Halo 3 as much as the next guy, but i'm not going to leave my job to play, what boils down to, a game(a fucking awesome game, but a game none the less).

Read my lips: Get out of your parent's basement and experience fresh air, sunshine, companionship, and most importantly, life! Do you realize how much time some people have wasted playing Halo? Literally, whole years worth of time. Time that could have been spent making REAL friends, getting a job, studying enough to get over a 900 on the S.A.T.s.

LIVE, goddammit, LIVE! Get outside and live your life as if it were the last day on earth. Because one day it will be, and you will just be stuck with a stack of Hustlers, a pile of Hot Pocket wrappers, and a wasted life, my friends.

9/22/07- Saturday night live...

2007-09-22T23:46:00.000-05:00

This week's live cut is from Queens Of The Stone Age performing "Little Sister" live on SNL on July 5, 2005. Keep your eyes peeled halfway into the video for a special appearance from a cowbell wielding Will Ferrell.

9/21/07- This week's guest: Will Forte...

2007-09-21T06:52:00.000-05:00

The long-running Saturday Night Live cast member, star of "Beerfest" and "The Brothers Solomon", and former writer for "That 70's Show" took some time out this week to grant a fellow Forte an interview. Just in case you haven't seen Will on SNL before(or you've just been living under a rock), posted below the interview is one of Will's most famous sketches, involving him and a certain 2007 Super Bowl winning quarterback. Enjoy, and for the record, Will and I are not related to each other.

1. How did you first get interested in wanting to get into comedy?

I'm not sure. I think I always wanted to do it but got serious about it a few years after getting out of college.

2. How did you end up landing a spot on SNL?

I was doing shows at the Groundlings while I was working at That 70s Show as a writer and one night Lorne Michaels came to see one of our shows. I got lucky and had a good show that night and Lorne asked me to come audition for the show.

3. Any funny, behind-the-scenes-type, stories from SNL that involve you and that week's host?

There are a bunch of funny things that have happened. The weirdest thing that ever happened was the week that Matthew McConaughey hosted. We have a meeting in between our dress rehearsal show and the live show where we find out what makes it onto the show. All of us were in Lorne's office, including Matthew who was wearing a sarong with no shirt for some reason. One of my sketches had been cut so I was just bummed out, staring at a fixed point in the room for a while. Suddenly, I sensed that there was a head attached to this fixed point I was staring at. When I focused, I realized that the fixed point I was staring at was Matthew's bare chest and he totally caught me. Anyway, I started looking all over the room to make it seem like I wasn't just looking at his chest. But to him, it just seemed like I was checking out his chest for a good long while.

4. Sketch that you are most proud of?

I did a Spelling Bee sketch on the Jack Black show. I used to do that at the Groundlings and it's always been one of my favorites. And then last year, I got to do a sketch with Peyton Manning where I was a coach trying to motivate my team by playing this stupid song and dancing to it. And I just had a really fun time doing it.

5. I heard somewhere that you used to work on "That 70's Show". What was your job on that show?

I was a writer on the show. It was one of the best jobs ever. We had a great time and the hours were really good. And that's rare for a writing job.

6. What music are you currently listening to on your iPod?

I'm really into Deerhoof at the moment.

7. TV shows you are currently watching?

I've been watching the Bret Michaels dating show, Rock of Love. But I'm waiting for Lost and 24 to start up again.

8. What was it like to portray President Bush?

I don't do Bush anymore. It was fun while I was doing it, but it was hard for me. I'm not very good at doing impressions, so I was always in my head about it. But Jason Sudeikis is doing it now and he does a great job with it, so it all worked out for the best.

9. When you die, what do you want God to say to you at the pearly gates?

Welcome. This is where you will be living now.

10. Any upcoming projects that you would like to plug?

The Brothers Solomon just came out and SNL starts up on September 29. So check them both out!

11. Any random words of advice for the readers?

Just do what you think is funny. Don't worry about what other people tell you to do. If you think it's funny, then you've succeeded!

Will Forte and Peyton Manning on SNL:

9/19/07- Kanye West doesn't care about black people...

2007-09-21T05:03:00.000-05:00

He really doesn't. All he cares about is pushing his latest, shitty, ego-centric album on you. If his new album sucks so bad, then why has it sold so extraordinarily well? Hype. All hype. It's the key smoke-and-mirrors element to selling hit albums when the hit albums in question suck.

When an album is so bad that good, honest, old-fashioned reliable fan bases, aware and informed casual listeners, and word-of-mouth just won't due, hype is the one key ingredient to ensure that stupid people everywhere will simply just assume that your album is worth more then it really is.

When in reality it is merely just a collection of shitty lyrics recorded over samples of other people's "real" music. It probably takes Kanye West five hours(if that) and a Mr. Microphone to record one of his crap-tastic albums, and you people all just run out and buy them like they're the greatest thing since The Beatles' White Album.

The bottom line is that all Kanye West cares about is feeding his unbelievably huge, Stalin-esque ego. And congratulations America, you've just helped his succeed!

9/18/07- The sweater blog...

2007-09-19T00:19:00.000-05:00

Some say that clothes make the man. I say that this is partially true. It really depends.

I'm definitely far from being a fashion guru of any sorts, but sometimes you just have to stop, look at certain people around you, and ask: what the fuck are you thinking?

Today I was walking around my college campus and saw a 350 pound man in a large, green sweater. It was 75 degrees outside. It was far from cold. Did he think it would cover up his grotesque stomach or make him appear "cool"? If he was wearing one in the middle of December, then ok. But September? Come on, have some common sense.

The other day I saw a girl wearing a shirt that said "I hate my parents". Really, what does that actually imply? Does she really hate her parents? Is the shirt just supposed to be some sort of biting commentary on our culture? Or did the color of the shirt just so happen to match her pants? Either way, the fact of the matter is that she probably bought the shirt at "Hot Topic"(hardly a statement of rebellion).

Finally, I just don't understand the rational behind guys wearing pink shirts. These people whom I speak of don't claim to be gay, so then why the pink shirt, Mr. Faggy McLooksLikeAHomo? Is it because you are so masculine that you need to balance things out by wearing something that brings you down to an average masculine level? Probably not the case.

I remember the days when clothes meant style, not in a gay, i'm keeping my eye on fashion trends, kind-of way. But more of a cultural way. People who wore darker clothes were identified as more down-to-earth and real, while brighter colored clothes represented a more lax attitude towards your life.

But now it seems that the rules have been thrown out the window and representation by first glance means nothing. Whether or not this is a good or bad thing has yet to be seen. Only time will tell when our generation moves forward and analyzes it's past.

9/17/07- Horton hears a homo...

2007-09-18T04:29:00.000-05:00

It was reported a little while back that people are coming out(no pun intended) and claiming that the late, great Dr. Seuss was gay. C'mon, really? No shit!

Was Dr. Seuss really gay? Well, he created the Lorax. So that should tell you something. Anyone who creates a story about a furry creature with a trunk trying to protect the environment must be a fag.

And "The Cat in the Hat"? Flaming? Yup. How else can you describe a big cat with a striped hat breaking into little kid's houses when their parents aren't home in order to show them how to "have fun"? That's gay and illegal. And "Thing one and Thing two"? Come on, do I need to spell it out for you?

Remember "Seussical the Musical"? It was directed by Rosie O'Donnell. What more proof do you need? Nobody whose straight: A) Makes a musical in the first place. and B) Has Rosie O'Donnell direct it.

"Green Eggs and Ham"? Obviously a nickname for Seuss' genitals(that sick fuck).

9/15/07- Saturday Night Live...

2007-09-15T22:30:00.000-05:00

This week's live cut is from The Vines performing "Get Free" live on Letterman on February 9, 2002. Take special note of the fact that the lead singer is drugged up on heroin, just starts randomly screaming for most of the set, and by the end of the song almost kills the drummer with his guitar.

9/14/07- Asshole of the month...

2007-09-15T22:15:00.000-05:00

This month's asshole: Brad Joyella from Gary, Indiana.

One fine day over this past summer, our man Brad felt like pulling a prank on his roommate, Dave. So one day, while Dave was at work, Brad decided to record footage from the Logo Network(the gay and lesbian channel) over all of his friend's DVDs. Sounds like a funny idea, right? Until Dave came home to find that his video presentations that he had made for work the next day were gone and instead replaced with footage of gay pride parades and home decorating shows. Needless to say, Dave was pissed. He ended up getting fired from his job at a very well-respected production company, and now has to work full-time for a major retail chain whose name rhymes with "Ball-Cart".

So for taping gay television(literally) over your friend's presentation, getting him fired from work, and forcing him to now work for minimum wage at a major shopping conglomerate, I name you, Brad Joyella, the new "Asshole of the month".

9/13/07- State of the blog...

2007-09-14T01:44:00.000-05:00

*First up, you may all be wondering why I have disabled all comments. I have done this in order to put more of a focus on the actual blog posts, rather then the comments. If you want your voice heard, just e-mail me at vaf89@hotmail.com and if you letter is good enough it will be shown during the state of the blog. If you send me any hate mail, It might just get ripped a new asshole in the "VAF89 Mailbag" segment that I do at the end of each month. So there.

*Guests. Now that my vacation has been over for a couple of weeks now, I am starting to book guest interviews. Expect a new interview as soon as the next couple of weeks.

*"Saturday Night Live". Last Saturday I premiered a new segment that showcases a different live cut from an artist of my choosing. I received an overwhelming amount of positive mail about it. Expect a new edition each and every Saturday. This week's live set: "Get Free" by The Vines(It's their infamous performance on Letterman that ended with the lead singer almost killing the drummer with his guitar).

*The "Asshole of the month" is fast approaching, so send in your last minute asshole stories to assholeofthemonth@hotmail.com.

9/12/07- Vin's F*****g Uncensored "I hate EMO blog"[Part Deux]...

2007-09-12T19:56:00.000-05:00

First of all. For those who don't remember the original: http://vaf89.blogspot.com/2007/02/21307-vins-fg-uncensored-i-hate-emo.html

Now, on to part deux.

People of earth, the days of long bangs, tight baby-blue shirts, mascara, and wrist-slitting may soon be over. I have noticed a cultural trend in the past few months: people are finally starting to realize that EMO is simply just goth for pussies. Folks all across the nation are finally separating the two components of EMO and finally choosing a side.

Those two parts? Goth and Pop. These, my friends, are two great tastes that, when separated, are very much tolerable to the human senses. But when combined, bring about mass public confusion and wrongful rethinking of the basic properties of rock, nay, music itself.

I'm starting to see more and more people each and every day start to rebel against this trend of pussified, watered-down dribble. It comes down to you either liking Metal or Pop. You may only choose one, so choose wisely. For the path you choose warrants no option to go back.

Now that this shift in our musical culture is almost over, it begs the question: what's next? What will end up being the next un-godly mash-up of two semi-popular forms of music? Jazz + Techno = Jazzno? Picture Ella Fitzgerald on a Steven Tyler-esque acid trip. Or what about Bluegrass + Rap = Rapgrass? Picture 50 Cent in a cornfield rapping about the hardships of a bad harvest season as Lil' Jon plays the banjo while wearing a straw hat and overalls.

Well, whatever crazy new trend comes through the musical pipeline, there is always the one simple truth that it will always, undoubtedly suck.

9/11/07- The 9/11 blog...

2007-09-11T18:01:00.000-05:00

It has been six years since 9/11 and still no sign of Osama Bin Laden. Great job, Bush(you fucking asshole).

Our government took the focus away from Afghanistan and decided to have a big old clusterfuck out in Iraq. Granted, I was for the war at first, I now want the troops to leave. Not because of the reasons that the Democrats want, but because the Iraqi government doesn't care about our troops. You know, the troops that are doing everything they can the hold that fucking sand turd of a country together?

The Iraqi government has taken breaks for whole months at a time while our troops still die for them on a daily basis. Therefore, I suggest that we pull out and leave those ungrateful dipshits to their own demise.

The people of Iraq need to get motivated. America is not going to change their country so long as Iraq will not cooperate with us. If the Iraqi people had started to revolt in the streets over Saddam, then the whole world would have gotten the message that they wanted help. But now instead, we have whole nations pulling out troops, as well as an American congress who is looking to de-fund the troops that they sent into Iraq in the first place.

By the way, did I mention that we still haven't caught Osama yet?

9/8/07- Saturday Night Live...

2007-09-08T20:48:00.000-05:00

Welcome to the new segment entitled: "Saturday Night Live". Every Saturday I will scour the public archives(also known as Youtube) for the best live performances from your(ok, really my) favorite artists. This week's live cut is from the Foo Fighters on "Late Night with David Letterman" 2/15/97 performing "Everlong":

9/6/07- It came from Myspace!...

2007-09-06T22:49:00.000-05:00

This month's entry comes from someone with the Myspace name "Danny Domino". He writes about not having to go to school anymore, mostly because he's a 35 year old alcoholic who lives alone. Enjoy!

"Well gang, by now a lot of you are back to school. Booooo! School blows! I'm so glad I never have to go back to that hell hole again. But just because my school days are over doesn't mean my life is a breeze. Here are some Highs and Lows about being out of school.

HIGH- Not having to wake up early.
LOW- Not having a reason to wake up at all.

HIGH- Not having to ride the crappy school bus.
LOW- Still having to ride the crappy city bus.

HIGH- Not having to cover my books with a brown paper bag.
LOW- Having to cover my Gin with a brown paper bag when I drink in the park.

HIGH- Not having to worry about my lunch money being taken by punks.
LOW- Not having any money at all.

HIGH- Not being yelled at for falling asleep in class.
LOW- Being yelled at for falling asleep at the bar.

HIGH- Not having to eat lunch alone in the cafeteria.
LOW- Eating lunch alone in the kitchen.

HIGH- Not having to do homework.
LOW- Having to do housework.

HIGH- Not being sent to the office for destroying school property.
LOW- Being sent to jail for destroying public property.

HIGH- Not having to answer to the jerkwad vice Principal.
LOW- Having to answer to the jerkwad judge.

HIGH- Not having to see any of my lame classmates faces ever again.
LOW- Not even the cute girls.
DOUBLE HIGH- Who the hell cares because I have way cooler friends on myspace!

Thanks a ton for helping me get through my crappy, sometimes horrible, but mostly awesome life! You guys all rock harder then Motley Crue in 1987!"

9/5/07- Working class hero...

2007-09-05T22:10:00.000-05:00

Recently, I started my new job at "Target". I am fast realizing how fucking stupid people can be. Some of the more stupid questions I've had to deal with over the past few weeks:

"How much is this?" I don't fucking know. How about you just open your fucking eyes and read the goddamn price tag, you dumb fuckstain.

"Can I try these underpants on before I buy them?" Are you fucking kidding me? Yes. By all means, go ahead and please enjoy de-fouling our store products with your hairy, crab-infested genitals and un-wiped ass.

"Do these pants make me look fat?" Nope. It's your huge ass that makes you look fat.

"Do you know where I could find the Malibu Barbie dolls?" Why would you even begin to assume that I have any fucking clue where to locate that particular item in the store? Now sporting goods and DVDs I can help you with. But use some common sense people.

"This [item] is broken. I want a refund." No! I'm not that dumb. I know full well that you went home, got your use out of [item], and then broke it intentionally so that you could get your money back. Nice try.

"I think I might have broken your toilet, can you....." NO! NO! NO! Whatever your question is, the answer is no.

9/3/07- Putting the "Die" in "Diet"...

2007-09-03T20:26:00.000-05:00

I'm actually shocked that this thought had never previously entered my head until now. It's very surprising that it took over half a year to post a blog about this.

I hate it when fat people go to a fast-food place and order two cheeseburgers, fries, chicken wings, extra everything, and then have the bull-size balls to order a diet coke. Are you fucking kidding me?

I'm 100% positive that the diet coke will not, I repeat, NOT make up for the amount of fatty juices that you are ingesting into your body and clogging your arteries. In fact, if you are one of these fat fucks who orders everything(including the kitchen sink) and then orders a diet coke, you deserve to have your arteries clogged to the point that you drop dead and make room for more important life-forms like squirrels or cardboard boxes.

At least the cardboard box is good for holding things, unlike your pants that can barely fit anything with your fat ass in them. I don't pity these people because they do this to themselves. My advice: Get off the diet coke and get on a fucking treadmill!

9/2/07- The B-Side...

2007-09-02T18:52:00.000-05:00

This month's look into the cutting room floor includes another rant about Paris Hilton as well as an extra paragraph that was cut out of last week's post: "The joy of sect...". Enjoy!

Paris Hilton [insert S.T.D. joke here]...

Finally, someone in this world has a fucking brain. This week, Paris Hilton's grandfather(and owner of the Hilton hotel chain) has cut Paris out of his will. Thus taking away millions upon millions of dollars that would have gone to her.

Want to guess what the old genius is going to do with the money instead? Keep it to himself? Spend it on cheap blow and hookers? Wrong. He's giving it to charity! Oh the sweet, sweet irony.

The system works!

The joy of sect[bonus content]...

The National Rotary Club. I don't know what that is. I don't care what it is. All I know is that there were a group of guys standing at a card table, wearing Hawaiian shirts, and singing showtunes. That can't be anything good. I high-tailed it away from that table faster then Superman on acid.

8/30/07- It came from Craigslist!...

2007-08-30T20:59:00.000-05:00

Finally, Craigslist gets added to my pantheon of "It came from..." series of recurring segments. This specific entry I can sum up in three words: clowns, cocaine, and crabs. Enjoy!

Posted on Craigslist in "Misc Romance" section on 8/28/07:

"My name is Apples the (female)clown. I am 5'11 tall, 280lbs. I am looking for generous people to donate some money, valuables, or "snow" for my services. I can make personal incalls, but I can also be summoned for private corporate events.

I bring with me over fifteen years of clown experience and can do most any kind of magic trick you can think up.....ANY KIND. Events may also be catered upon request. I can supply a variety of food stuffs including(but not limited to) hamburgers, lobster, veal, chinese, and of course, crabs.

My rates vary but are usually around $250 per hour. For an extra $100 my friend Peaches the midget can join the party as well.

So call me for all of your adult clowning needs at (212)-359-####

Hope to see you soon!"

8/29/07- VAF89 Mailbag...

2007-08-29T19:11:00.000-05:00

The "VAF89 Mailbag" is a new segment that will allow me to respond to a couple of choice letters of hate mail that I have received in the past couple of weeks(no fan mail. who the fuck wants to read fan mail?). This segment will usually pop up around the end of each month. Without further ado, here is some good, old-fashioned hate mail!

Barry from AZ writes:

"You suck!!! Why would you say that dogfighting is fun and/or entertaining? What kind of stupid fucknut are you?!! I hope you burn in hell!!!!!!!"

Vin Forte:

Well Barry, I'm glad that you obviously took the time to read the disclaimer at the top of the Michael Vick blog so that you completely understood the point I was trying to make about dogfighting and not jump to conclusions like some babbling dickhead.

And by the way, me burning in hell isn't going to bring the dogs back to life, now is it Barry?

Jeff from VA writes:

"I hated your interview with Karl Koch. Why didn't you get an actual IMPORTANT member of Weezer? I could have found a better interview."

Vin Forte:

I wanted to do an interview with Karl because I figured that I could get a lot of interesting material from him(which I did). I don't go by how famous someone is. I go by how interesting there life is. Karl makes his own music while hanging around and sometimes even recording with one of the greatest bands of our generation. I severely doubt that your life is even anywhere close to being that interesting.

And by the way, Mr. "I could find a better interview", if you can please show me your interview with Rivers Cuomo or Matt Sharp, I'll gladly eat my shoe. But until then, fuck off.

8/28/07- MTV U is actually fucking awesome?...

2007-08-28T21:41:00.000-05:00

Usually, when it comes to MTV I am always more then happy to take the position that they don't play music and instead supplement it with shitty reality shows. But somehow, MTV U(basically, MTV for college students) has managed to not fuck it up(yet, at least).

MTV U is an MTV channel broadcast to most colleges and universities in North America(as well as a few cable affiliates), and you know what? It kicks fucking ass! MTV U is what regular MTV should be. It plays music twenty-four hours, seven days a week with limited commercial interruption and a two-minute an hour MTV News update. When MTV U isn't playing just straight blocks of music videos, it's playing countdown shows of specific types of music, shows about emerging new artists, among other shows along that line.

It is also the only MTV channel that also streams online at www.mtvu.com. So you can go there right now and actually see actual, real music videos for yourself(I thought that this day would never come). Or to go to the live stream directly, click here: http://www.mtvu.com/player/html/popup/indexLive.jhtml?id=1556337&vid=141775 (it may take a minute or two to connect and buffer, depending on your Internet connection, but it's well worth it).

So go! Spread the word about MTV U to the masses who don't go to college and tell them that there is actually a place to find, not only music videos, but good music videos once again. To all the people at Viacom and MTV(U), I graciously tip my hat to you all. Now don't fuck it up!

8/27/07- The joy of sect...

2007-08-28T12:24:00.000-05:00

Last week, when I was at orientation for college, there were about 50 tables set up with information about different clubs, sports, and activities....and also a few tables dedicated to spreading their different religions and philosophies. Here are a few of my favorites:

The church of Judaism with the recognition of Jesus Christ. This group(cult) is dedicated to the preservation of Jewish values while recognising the existence that Jesus was God's son. What? This is one of those situations that you think about for a while, then stop, think about again, and then your head starts to bleed out your ear.

N.A.M.B.L.A. The national American man-boy love association. I get douche chills just thinking about this. What kind of sick fucks would set up shop at a college campus and preach a faggy proclamation about how grown men and boys should be allowed the right to "love"?

The Trans-gendered, Trans-sexual, Gay, Lesbian, Bi-sexual, and Straight Alliance. Wow! Could they have covered all of their bases any better? But, admittedly, this name is very politically correct. My version? The Hermaphrodite, Post-op, George Michaels, Melissa Etheridge, Closet Gay, and Normal Alliance.

8/24/07- Michael Vick in the doghouse...

2007-08-24T21:28:00.000-05:00

*Note: Do not take the opinions in the first three paragraphs of the following blog seriously. I am trying to make a point about animal curelty that I hope you all will be smart enough to figure out and understand.

As you all know by now, Falcons quarterback Michael Vick will plead guilty on Monday of taking part in illegal dogfighting. I say that people are overreacting.

Vick is simply just doing what most of us could only dream of: watch as two dogs go head-to-head in a battle to the death! The only problem is that he got caught, so now everybody has to put on their politically correct attitudes and pretend that they would never even dream of pitting dogs against each other in a glorious death match.

It's amazing that people have never flipped out this much over cockfighting(boring), yet when you have something like dogfighting(fucking amazing!) people shit a brick and come down on it as if the thought of it would never enter their head.

Here's a little litmus test for you: Watch this video. If you find it to be fucking amazing, entertaining, and even a bit hilarious, then you have to agree that Vick walks on all charges. And if you find it offensive, then get the fuck off my blog!

8/23/07- "The Gatto" rants about Paris Hilton...

2007-08-23T22:38:00.000-05:00

This "Gatto rant" is actually a holdover from last week when I was on vacation. In this installment our resident ranter, Dom Gatto, gives his take on Paris Hilton losing all of her inheritance money. Near the end of the video he also gives due kudos to yours truly. Enjoy.

8/22/07- The whitest songs you know...

2007-08-22T17:28:00.000-05:00

The following is a list(in no particular order) of the most Caucasian songs to ever be recorded by anyone. This is not a racist thing. When I say the "whitest" song ever, I'm talking about culturally not stereotypically. This will become an ever expanding and ongoing project to see if with your help, the power of Google, and all of my wasted high school years, we can isolate and contain the whitest song ever! If you have a submission for the whitest song ever, please feel free to leave a comment on this blog page, and it might just get added to the list. Do not, while you are reading this list, think to yourself: hey, he forgot vanilla ice and the theme song from friends. because I am not looking for any obvious selections. I'm looking for songs that are not as obvious and at the same time are also unarguably only enjoyed by suburban white people.

song: artist:

tempted- squeeze
just the way you are- billy joel
life is a highway- tom cochran
little miss- spin doctors
somebody told me- the killers
rockin' into the night- 38 special
another day in paradise- phil collins
california- phantom planet
close to you- the carpenters
hungry like the wolf- duran duran
unbelievable- e.m.f.
seen all good people- yes
sister goldenhair- america
hey ya!- outkast
dancing on the ceiling- lionel ritchie
hip to be square- huey lewis and the news
thick as a brick- jethro tull
the boys are back in town- thin lizzy
hey jealosy- gin blossoms
rock me amadeus- falco
steal my sunshine- len
mr. roboto- styx
good girls don't- the knack
open arms- journey
hold the line- toto
jack and diane- john cougar mellancamp
have you ever been mellow- olivia newton john
wearwolves in london- warren zevon
don't worry be happy- bobby mcfarren
whip it- devo
free falling- tom petty
logical song- supertram
birdhouse in your soul- they might be giants
my pal foot foot- the shags
slip slidin' away- paul simon
sailing- christopher cross
9 to 5- dolly parton
i'm not in love- 10cc's
windy- the association
barely breathing- duncan sheik
hello again- the cars
we built this city- starship
everybody have fun tonight- wang chung
broken wings- mister mister
more then words- extreme
the cat's in the cradle- harry chapman
jump(acustic bluegrass version)- david lee roth
wildfire- michael murphy
last christmas- wham!
wonderwall- oasis
she blinded me with science- thomas dolby
sleeping bag- zz top
story of a girl- nine days
like a rinestone cowboy- glen campbell
pinball wizard- the who
sweet caroline- neil diamond
sex bomb- tom jones
gettin jiggy wit it- will smith
party all night- quiet riot
silent lucidity- queensryche
dust in the wind- kansas
sledgehammer- peter gabriel
96 tears- ? and the mysterians
I can't drive 55- sammy hagar
celebration- kool and the gang
too shy- kajagoogoo
hungry heart- bruce springsteen
never gonna give you up- rick astley
truckin'- greatful dead
danger zone- kenny loggins
abra cadabra- steve miller band
private eyes- hall and oats
behind blue eyes- the who
knights in white satin- the moody blues
ooh la la- the faces
runaround- blues traveller

8/21/07- Me fail English? That's unpossible...

2007-08-21T17:09:00.000-05:00

Well all know that most people here in the good old U.S. of A. are not the sharpest knives in the drawer. But when I learned today that over 43% of high school students failed the English regent this year it made me want to stand on top of a bell tower and start picking of businessmen with a shotgun.

43 percent! Are you fucking kidding me? We speak English! By the time you enter high school, you have been speaking the language for well over ten years. How can you possibly fail it? People in France and China take English as a second or third language and don't fail it. But in America people speak it every day, twenty four hours, seven days a week, and still manage to fuck it up.

There should be some sort of nation-wide test at age 17 where you are tested on basic English. The punishment for failure: deportation and a swift kick in the nuts. There is absolutely no excuse for not knowing a language that you have been speaking your entire life. None whatsoever.

And this(among other things), my friends, is why the terrorists hate us. We have every opportunity in the world to advance our education, yet we don't take advantage of it.

8/20/07- State of the Blog...

2007-08-20T10:22:00.000-05:00

I'm back! Here's the rundown for August 20, 2007:

*Well, first off I think I should address the fact that I am back. It feels good to be back. Not as good as a getting a deep-tissue massage while eating a McRib while simultaneously watching the Jets win the Superbowl with Queens of the Stone Age performing at halftime, but good enough.

*Tay Zonday. Over my vacation I received many e-mails praising me for being able to score an interview with the creator of "Chocolate Rain". Don't be so shocked. Remember: If you call someone, they will(most times) eventually respond. People are human, they have Myspace profiles that allow you to send messages straight to them, if you send someone a message they will eventually get to it(remember, it took about a week to get Tay's response).

*Speaking of Myspace, I finally set mine off "Private". So now anyone can come check me out, hit me up with a friend request, and stalk me at: www.myspace.com/vincentforte.

*Guest interviews. I'm currently working on getting some new interviews. Expect in the coming weeks to see interviews with a bunch of great comedians, maybe a few musicians, and a couple of old favorites returning once again to talk about something completely different.

*That's it. Expect a fresh, brand-spanking new original blog tomorrow. See you all then, hit me up on Myspace, and I hope that you all enjoyed the "Best-of" I posted last week.

"Best of" for 8/12/07-8/19/07...

2007-08-12T02:52:00.000-05:00

I'll be on vacation for the next week. So, as promised, I have left a "Best of" packed with the cream of the crop(as well as some blogs going all the way back to February). Also included is a rare blog posted on a message board and links to some other cool sites you might like in place of me. When I get back next week, expect an all new "Gatto Rant", a new celebrity interview, the asshole of the month, and all new original blogs. See you all next week! Enjoy!

"Best of": http://bestofvaf89.blogspot.com/2007/08/best-of-for-81207-81907.html

8/10/07- This week's guest: Tay Zonday...

2007-08-10T04:40:00.000-05:00

You have no doubt seen the video that over 5 million people have viewed on Youtube in the past week. That video is "Chocolate Rain" by Tay Zonday(video is posted below the interview). In a matter of mere days, this song has been covered by the likes of John Mayer and Tre Cool and has spawned literally hundreds of Internet spoofs. This man is truly destined to take his new-found fame, run with it, and carry himself all the way to the top. His may truly be the most prolific and insightful guest I've interviewed yet. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Tay Zonday:

1. How did you first get interested in wanting to become a musician?

I don't know that I consciously want to be a musician. You make it sound like I prayed in the foothills of Tibet and had a revelation from Buddha. Everybody sings. Maybe they only do it when they're alone in the car. Maybe they only do it in the shower. People are not "interested" in "becoming a musician" in these spaces. Music is the default status of life. So the question is not why particular people become musicians. The question is why a majority of people become silent. They sing in the shower. They sing in the synagogue. They are silent on the sidewalk. They are silent in the grocery store. What made you interested in wanting to become silent?

2. What are some of your favorite musical acts and influences?

I don't know. I just respect all music.

3. Do you feel that alot of the music industry today has become too commercialized and cookie-cutter?

Since its inception, the music industry has been a distribution industry. It has been about gaining exclusive access to scarce retail space. It has been about gaining exclusive access to scarce broadcast airwaves. Once exclusive access is secured, it is much easier to produce "impressions" . . . forcing encounters between your brand and the general publics' brains. The volume of impressions creates the behavior of purchasing music much more reliably that "good" music. Since broadcast and distribution is becoming less scarce with the internet, it is becoming easier to rely on good music to generate purchases.

4. What was the worst job you have ever had?

I don't do well with these questions that require a singular extreme. The "favorite" music act? The "worst" job? How can anybody reduce their life to these qualifiers? Isn't each situation rich with context and contradiction? Isn't it always multiple things at once? We've got to get ourselves unhooked from sound-bytes. They are always shortcuts of convenience. The problem is that it's for the convenience of power and not the convenience of enfranchised people.

5. Has all of this new-found fame changed you at all?

Am I in the midst of newfound fame? I have not noticed any interesting changes in my psychology. The public seems much more interested in my psychology than I am. I really don't pay much attention to it. At least, not with the voyeuristic titillation that sometimes moves the public. I'm not looking in the mirror every morning and asking "how am I changed today?"

6. Any plans to release a full-length album?

Who knows? I take it a day at a time. As soon as I affirm a plan, the margin of error becomes too high.

7. Have you seen any of the parody videos of chocolate rain on youtube? Do you have any favorites?

That's another one of those questions that requires an extreme. It requires a label. How can anybody stand a mode-of-thought that is so concrete? I appreciate the fact that anybody would be interested in interpreting my work.

8. What's on your Tivo/DVR?

I don't own a television. Though my family often has stuff saved on their DVRs when I visit them.

9. Any advice for an aspiring musician out there?

I think I touched on this in #1. Understand what it is that inspires you to be silent. Once you begin to understand why you aspire to be silent, it becomes easier to understand why you are not a musician.

10. What is the message being told in "chocolate rain"?

"Chocolate Rain" is not dogmatic. It is not like the step-by-step directions for putting together a new table. It is cryptic. It is meant to be subject to interpretation. Some experience it on a deeply academic level. Others experience it as a catchy and entertaining tune. I refuse to be the referent by which other interpretations are evaluated. People get out of it what they get out of it and that's cool. What more does it need to be?

"Chocolate Rain":

8/8/07- 3's and 7's Part II: Barry Bonds' 756...

2007-08-09T00:20:00.000-05:00

As you all know by now, Barry Bonds hit hit 756th home run last night. He now is the all-time home run king above Hank Aaron. Or is he? Now I could get into the whole steroid matter, but I have a different take on the home run record.

Japan. Japan? Yes, Japan. Sadaharu Oh is the name of the ACTUAL world home run champion. He has over 868 homers in his day. Over 100 more then Barry Bonds. It has always pissed me off when Americans call things the "World" Series or use expressions like "heavyweight champion of the world". How the fuck can you have the balls to claim yourself champion of anything when you don't even pick fights with Canadian teams, let alone other continents?

Barry Bonds didn't break shit! Those eleven minutes that he used to thank everyone last night were complete bullshit and I wish that I could hop into my wayback machine, acquire a ticket to last night's game, run out onto the field brandishing a flamethrower, light Barry Bonds on fire before he gets a chance to break the record, and then have millions of viewers and fans watch in horror as he runs around like a chicken without a head as his flesh burns and his eyeballs melt. Everyone at the stadium would immediately run out of the stadium in shock and demand their money back, or they would need psychiatric evaluation.

Now I'm lost. What was I supposed to be talking about? Oh yeah, vote yes on proposition 24.

GOODNIGHT AMERICA!

8/7/07- 3's and 7's Part I: Tom Glavin's 300...

2007-08-08T16:53:00.000-05:00

The other night Mets pitcher Tom Glavin scored his 300th winning game. This now puts him in a class of only 23 other people who have done the same.

This is truly an amazing accomplishment for sure. But it's too fucking bad that it got overshadowed here in New York by Gay-Rod(Alex Rodriguez for those of you who don't get the joke). You see, A-Rod also broke a record that week by scoring his 500th home run. Too bad he had to soil the back page of the Post by stealing Glavin's thunder as well as making the story about the aftermath of his home run and not about the actual home run.

When A-Rod hit the homer, naturally a fan in the crown caught the ball. By catching the ball that lucky fan can now sell it on eBay, make over $100,000, and change his life forever.......except that A-Rod wants the ball back*record player screeches to a halt*.

WHAT?! Is A-Rod that big of an asshole that he would deny some poor dude a chance to alter his life in ways he can't even imagine? YES! This is the biggest dick move since..since....EVER!

The people in New York hate him already, and now he goes and does this? He should at least fork over $100,000 to the poor guy in exchange for the ball, maybe some autographed bats or something, anything. But no. A-Rod just wants to be a dick and offer nothing in return for his precious ball back.

So, in a surprise move by me, for stealing Tom Glavin's thunder and dashing the hopes and dreams of some poor fan, I declare Alex(Gay-Rod) Rodriguez the "Asshole of the Month"!

Come back tomorrow for Part II.

8/6/07- Random Thoughts 6: Return of the Jedi...

2007-08-06T21:41:00.000-05:00

This month's edition of "Random Thoughts" is jam-packed with obscure humor, random inquiries, and of course, animal cruelty. Let's begin, shall we:

* It looks like Michael Vick is guilty of running illegal dog fights. What's he going to say in the trial to defend himself? "Hey, those dogs hated each other. Who am I to get in their way?"

* I can't watch "Batman Begins" without thinking that Gary Oldman's Commisioner Gordon looks exactly like Ned Flanders.

* And I can't watch "Batman and Robin" at all.

* An animal balloon-making clown is a few feet away from me right now, and i am not happy about it.

* Britney Spears is having a lot of accusations hurled at her about being an unfit mother. But I'm sure she is no worse at being a mom than any other idiot who never should have been allowed to have children.

* Mountain Dew tastes great out of a baby bottle.....don't ask me how I know that.

* The difference between drunks and stoners: Drunks send e-mails that are dirty and/or obnoxious. Stoners send e-mails that are blank.

* Gilligan, of "Gilligan's Island" had a first name that was only used once, on the never-aired pilot show. His first name was Willy.

* If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, who cares?

8/4/07- This week's guest: Matthew Senreich(creator of Robot Chicken)...

2007-08-04T17:37:00.000-05:00

Matt(on the left) working with partner Seth Green on concept art for Robot Chicken.

Matthew Senreich is the creator, director, producer and writer of the TV series Robot Chicken. Matt began his entertainment career in 1991 at the early age of 16, when he worked as a summer intern for Marvel Comics. It was here that he honed his writing skills and learned from the rising stars of the comic book industry. Upon graduating college in 1996, Matt secured a job as an editorial assistant at the New York-based Wizard Entertainment, a publication house that produces multiple magazines that are the leading source of information about the comic book, action figure, anime and collectible card gaming communities. After two years with Wizard Entertainment, Matt rose through the ranks and became editor of ToyFare. One year later, he was promoted to editorial director of all Wizard Entertainment publications. Matt soon met up with actor Seth Green, who was a fan of Wizard's magazines. This newfound partnership between Matt and Seth spawned the creation of a series of stop motion animated shorts entitled "Sweet J Presents" for Sony's Screenblast.com in 2000 and 2001. Based upon these webisodes, Cartoon Network's Adult Swim committed to 20 episodes of Robot Chicken. Green and Senreich, through their production company Stoopid Monkey, have produced two highly successful seasons of the show, are committed to a third and are also producing an upcoming holiday movie titled Naughty or Nice. A clip from Robot Chicken is posted below the interview. And now, on to the interview:

1. What was your original career intention after high school, and how did that lead into you becoming an intern at Marvel Comics?

Ever since I was 16, I wanted to work in comic books. I was surprised to get an internship at Marvel in the summer of 1991 when I was that age, but once I worked there, I knew that comics would be part of my future. Robot Chicken was a natural extension of that.

2. What was it like getting to work around the creators of some of the most popular comic books of all time?

Amazing. It was fun to grow in my career at the same time as Joe Madureira, Mike Turner, Geoff Johns and the like. It was fun to have people like Jeph Loeb giving me career advice. Wizard provided me with the opportunity to really meet the entire comic book industry.

3. What was the worst job you've ever had outside of writing or interning?

To be honest, I've been fortunate to like all my jobs. Even filing at a private practice doctor's office that my dad ran when i was like 14.

4. How did you meet Seth Green?

Through Wizard/ToyFare magazine. We approached him about doing an interview for the magazine and we geeked out on each other and became friends.

5. What was "Sweet J Presents"?

The precursor to "Robot Chicken." It was a series of 12 animated shorts that we did for Sony's Screenblast.com back in 2001. We used those shorts to shop around to sell the concept of "Robot Chicken." You can see a few on the RC season 1 DVD.

6. How did you guys decide stop-motion with action figures and claymation over more conventional forms of animation?

Stop motion is the only way to make toys come to life.

7. What was your reaction when you found out that Robot Chicken was nominated for an Emmy this year?

It's just surreal. Simply surreal.

8. Anything different we can expect from season 3?

A bit more storytelling. A bit more absurdity. Going back to the basics on some sketches while pushing the envelope of the absurd with others.

9. What is your favorite scene from Robot Chicken so far?

World's Most One-Sided Fist Fights. It always makes me laugh. Or the Emperor Phone Call as that sketch exposed our show to a much wider audience and brought us more into the limelight.

10. What was it like doing the Star Wars episode?

Scary and fun. It's not every day that Lucasfilm says go play with Star Wars. We knew it had to be funnier than just funny. I'm really happy with how it turned out.

11. Any upcoming projects you would like to plug?

We currently have a two-picture deal at Dimension. Working on developing an all-ages stop motion project and a teen comedy as well. More on those when they go into production...

12. When you die, what do you want God to say to you at the pearly gates?

Donde esta el bano?

13. Any parting words of random advice for the readers?

Never be afraid to take a chance and go for the jobs that you think are unreachable. The more you explore, the more you find.

A full episode of Robot Chicken:

8/3/07- "The Gatto" rants about: Chocolate rain...

2007-08-03T16:27:00.001-05:00

Hey gang. I'm introducing a new segment today in which internet superstar Dominick Gatto tells it like it is and pulls no punches on the big issues and stories going on in our world today.....well, actually it's more along the lines of he can talk about whatever the fuck he wants to talk about. After all, he is, the one and only, Dom Fucking Gatto!

Today's topic: Chocolate Rain.

8/2/07- Spaceballs: The search for more money...

2007-08-02T15:04:00.000-05:00

While rumors have been swirling for some time that Mel Brooks' classic cult film "Spaceballs" would be granted a sequel, the creators have gone and done the next best thing(kind-of, maybe).

"Spaceballs The Animated Series" will premiere sometime this fall on the G4 network. And while, in theory, this idea may be thought of as dead in the womb, let me just let you in on some facts that might just give you some hope.

Instead of just handing the rights to the "Spaceballs" franchise over to some random company to do an animated show, Mel Brooks is overseeing, writing, and starring in the actual show. In fact, all of the actors from the movie(except John Candy) will be reprising their roles. This might actually be good.

But now the real key is the plot. They could cook up some real original ideas that spoof the last twenty years of sci-fi pop culture, or they could just sell-out and use a bunch of shitty cartoon cliches. It will really be something to check out when it premieres this fall.

I'm keeping my belief that it won't be just another movie-to-cartoon, tie-in, sell-out. But then again, Mel Brooks did just sell the rights to "Young Frankenstein" to be made into a Broadway play.

8/1/07- The B-Side...

2007-08-01T17:03:00.000-05:00

This month's look back at the cut blogs from last month include two special cutting room floor delights. The first is an answer from Karl Koch(Weezer) that got cut from my original interview with him because at the end of the day, he never really gave an exact answer, and also it seemed a little "fanboy-ish". The latter is a blog about the new Harry Potter book. It was good, but simply not long enough to constitute posting as a regular blog. Enjoy!

This week's guest: Karl Koch[bonus question]...

11. In the song "Hash Pipe" there is some confusion in the second line of the chorus that angered many censors. Some people say that the line is either "I got my ass wipe", "I got my eye swipe" and "I got my ass wide". What is the official lyric?

As the Green Album lyrics were never officially released, i guess its deliberately obscure. However, i believe there is a Green guitar tab book that lists lyrics, and they had to be approved before publishing. So whatever that book says must be the dealio.

Harry Potter and the repeating storyline...

I can't believe that millions of people are buying into this Harry Potter bullshit. You are all being swindled, grifted, and bamboozled in the worst way possible.

Don't you all get it? Every single Harry Potter book is the same fucking Harry Potter book! I can tell you the plotline to every Harry Potter book in less then a paragraph:

Harry escapes from his evil parent's house, he has his friends get him to Hogwarts, some evil shit starts to go down(yet they never close the school down despite the fact that it happens every year), Harry somehow finds a way to save the day, the end, repeat.

7/28/07- Best episode ever...

2007-07-29T15:36:00.000-05:00

The Simpsons Movie has just hit a local movie joint near you, and let me say that it was, hands down, the funniest movie of the year.

It's everything you could ever want or expect from a movie bearing The Simpsons name. It has that feeling of being greater then just a normal episode(kind-of epic, really), while still maintaining the charm that makes the show so great.

And for those people who love Green Day, they appear five minutes into the movie. For those people who hate Green Day, they die five minutes into the movie. Other guest stars include Albert Brooks and a very special, secret guest star: Tom Hanks.

The plot is hard to explain, so here goes nothing: Green Day drowns in Lake Springfield, Grandpa goes crazy, Homer gets a pet pig, Bart skateboards naked(yes, there is full frontal nudity), Homer dumps the pig crap in Lake Springfield, the town is deemed too unhealthy and must be sealed in a dome, The Simpsons leave town and move to Alaska, Marge leaves Homer, Homer goes back to Springfield to save his family and friends, a bomb is lowered into the dome by the head of the E.P.A. to blow up Springfield, Homer somehow throws bomb out of dome, saves the day, cats and dogs, living together, pandemonium!

The bottom line: GO SEE THIS FUCKING MOVIE!!!

WARNING: The previous review contains spoilers. Do not read if you have not yet seen the movie.

7/25/07- The 101 Greatest Simpsons quotes...

2007-07-26T03:53:00.000-05:00

As our "unofficial" Simpsons week rolls on, I present you with a list(in no particular order) of the 101 greatest Simpsons quotes ever. Original list of quotes published on www.blogzarro.com.

The List:

Homer: D’oh.
Ralph: Me fail English? That’s unpossible.
Lionel Hutz: This is the greatest case of false advertising I’ve seen since I sued the movie “The Never Ending Story.”
Sideshow Bob: No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it.
Troy McClure: Don’t kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he’d eat you and everyone you care about!
Comic Book Guy: The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity…
Homer: Oh, so they have Internet on computers now!
Ned Flanders: I’ve done everything the Bible says — even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!
Comic Book Guy: Your questions have become more redundant and annoying than the last three “Highlander” movies.
Chief Wiggum: Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1…2.
Sideshow Bob: I’ll be back. You can’t keep the Democrats out of the White House forever, and when they get in, I’m back on the streets, with all my criminal buddies.
Homer: When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…like God must feel when he’s holding a gun.
Nelson: Dad didn’t leave… When he comes back from the store, he’s going to wave those pop-tarts right in your face!
Milhouse: Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?*
Lionel Hutz: Well, he’s kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace “accidentally” with “repeatedly” and replace “dog” with “son.”
Comic Book Guy: Last night’s “Itchy and Scratchy Show” was, without a doubt, the worst episode *ever.* Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.
Homer: I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman.
Homer: Save me, Jeebus.
Mayor Quimby: I stand by my racial slur.
Comic Book Guy: Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.
Homer: You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.
Chief Wiggum: Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the…uh…what cures cancer?
Homer: Bart, with $10,000 we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!
Homer: Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs.
Homer: Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does *that* do me?
Chief Wiggum: Can’t you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can’t be policing the entire city!
Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel.
Reverend Lovejoy: Marge, just about everything’s a sin. [holds up a Bible] Y’ever sat down and read this thing? Technically we’re not supposed to go to the bathroom.
Homer: You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don’t work out in real life, uh, Christianity.
Smithers: Uh, no, they’re saying “Boo-urns, Boo-urns.”
Hans Moleman: I was saying “Boo-urns.”
Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
Homer: Here’s to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life’s problems.
Homer: When will I learn? The answers to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV!
Chief Wiggum: I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn.
Homer: How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
Homer: Homer no function beer well without.
Duffman: Duffman can’t breathe! OH NO!
Grandpa Simpson: Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please, eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot.
Homer: Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
Troy McClure: Hi. I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help tapes as “Smoke Yourself Thin” and “Get Some Confidence, Stupid!”
Homer: A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds…it makes ice.
Homer: Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!
Homer: Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true!
Mr. Burns: I’ll keep it short and sweet — Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.
Kent Brockman: …And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night.
Ralph: Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me.
Apu: Please do not offer my god a peanut.
Homer: You don’t win friends with salad.
Mr. Burns: I don’t like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing, there’s too many fat children.
Sideshow Bob: Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?
Chief Wiggum: They only come out in the night. Or in this case, the day.
Mr. Burns: Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There’s a *New* Mexico?
Homer: He didn’t give you gay, did he? Did he?!
Comic Book Guy: But, Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills. You’re from two different worlds… Oh, I’ve wasted my life.
Homer: Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
Superintendent Chalmers: I’ve had it with this school, Skinner. Low test scores, class after class of ugly, ugly children…
Mr. Burns: What good is money if it can’t inspire terror in your fellow man?
Homer: Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it.
Ralph: Slow down, Bart! My legs don’t know how to be as long as yours.
Homer: Donuts. Is there anything they can’t do?
Frink: Brace yourselves gentlemen. According to the gas chromatograph, the secret ingredient is… Love!? Who’s been screwing with this thing?
Apu: Yes! I am a citizen! Now which way to the welfare office? I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I work, I work.
Milhouse: We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy.
Mr. Burns: A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow…and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner.
Homer: Kids, kids. I’m not going to die. That only happens to bad people.
Milhouse: Look out, Itchy! He’s Irish!
Homer: I’m going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes!
Smithers: I’m allergic to bee stings. They cause me to, uh, die.
Barney: Aaah! Natural light! Get it off me! Get it off me!
Principal Skinner: That’s why I love elementary school, Edna. The children believe anything you tell them.
Sideshow Bob: Your guilty consciences may make you vote Democratic, but secretly you all yearn for a Republican president to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king!
Barney: Jesus must be spinning in his grave!
Superintendent Chalmers: “Thank the Lord”? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school. God has no place within these walls, just like facts don’t have a place within an organized religion.
Mr. Burns: [answering the phone] Ahoy hoy?
Comic Book Guy: Oh, a *sarcasm* detector. Oh, that’s a *really* useful invention!
Marge: Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone.
Homer: What’s the point of going out? We’re just going to wind up back here anyway.
Marge: Get ready, skanks! It’s time for the truth train!
Bill Gates: I didn’t get rich by signing checks.
Principal Skinner: Fire can be our friend; whether it’s toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie.
Homer: Oh, I’m in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don’t have to listen to myself. I’m drunk.
Homer: And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker.
Comic Book Guy: Human contact: the final frontier.
Homer: I hope I didn’t brain my damage.
Krusty the Clown: And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold.
Homer: I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world.
Dr. Nick: Inflammable means flammable? What a country.
Homer: Beer. Now there’s a temporary solution.
Comic Book Guy: Stan Lee never left. I’m afraid his mind is no longer in mint condition.
Nelson: Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark.
Krusty the Clown: Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you’re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box…
Milhouse: I can’t go to juvie. They use guys like me as currency.
Homer: Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get.
Homer: I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.
Apu: Thank you, steal again.
Homer: Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman — and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing.
Ed Begley Jr.: I prefer a vehicle that doesn’t hurt Mother Earth. It’s a go-cart, powered by my own sense of self-satisfaction.
Bart: I didn’t think it was physically possible, but this both sucks and blows.
Homer: How could you?! Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn’t hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. *Makes sound effects and laughs* Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze.
Homer: Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos.

7/24/07- Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart...

2007-07-25T04:48:00.000-05:00

For those of you out there who don't live near any of the twelve 7-11 "Kwik-E-Marts", I present to you pics from my trip to the Manhattan Kwik-E-Mart:

Thank you, come again!

7/23/07- State of the Blog...

2007-07-23T22:45:00.000-05:00

* First of all, I hope that you all enjoyed the 90's theme week a few weeks back. More importantly I hope that you all enjoyed my interview with Karl Koch. And don't worry, because there are plenty more interviews coming down the pipeline for the rest of this summer as well.

* Next, I am going into Manhattan tomorrow to check out one of the new "Kwik-E-Marts". Expect a *Special* photo blog sometime this week.

* "Vin, why haven't you been blogging on the weekends?" Because it's summer and I need(nay, deserve) some sort of vacation. Giving myself the weekends off is the least I could do. But remember, when I am going to be gone for more than three days I will leave a "Best of" post. The first weekend in September I will start blogging on the weekends again.

* Start sending in your suggestions for the next theme week. I will announce the winning theme in the next "State of the Blog". The next theme week will probably be the first week in September(sort-of a back to school pick me up kind of thing).

* Finally, in honor of "The Simpsons Movie", this Thursday I will be posting a special Simpsons list of the top 101 best quotes. So enjoy, and see you all tomorrow.

7/20/07- This week's guest: James Rolfe(The Angry Video Game Nerd)...

2007-07-20T19:14:00.000-05:00

Previously known as The Angry Nintendo Nerd, The Angry Video Game Nerd, or AVGN as he is most commonly abbreviated, is a series of video game reviews by James Rolfe, an amateur filmmaker. His videos have gotten well over 25,000,000 views on Youtube. The Angry Video Game Nerd's comic appeal comes from his loud New Jersey accent, his drinking of Rolling Rock lager (although recently he has switched to Yuengling), and his comically frequent use of profanity. Most of his reviews have an introduction theme song played by Kyle Justin in which Rolfe describes his character as taking people "back to the past" to experience the terrible video games he had to play. He often treats the games he reviews as the lowest possible thing in existence, and saying he would rather do something extremely repulsive than play the game. Sometimes, at the end of the review, the AVGN will physically destroy the game he has reviewed. A vido of him reviewing "Back to the Future" for the original Nintendo can be found below the interview. His entire archive can be found on his Myspace: www.myspace.com/thenintendonerd.

1. How did the Angry Video Game Nerd get started?

I make a lot of short videos for comedic purposes, and one thing I decided to do for a quick little joke in 2004 was to pick on an old NES game (Castlevania 2: Simon's Quest) which is regarded as a classic game, but there sure were things in it that are annoying. During the course of the review, I got more involved than I thought. I complained about every detail I could find and felt the need to swear which later became a character trait of the Angry Video Game Nerd.

2. What was your first experience with a video game?

Probably Odyssey or Atari.

3. What's it like knowing that your videos get more views then most cable T.V. shows?

Nice, but too bad we don’t get that kind of money that they get on TV.

4. Is there any large difference between your "Angry Video Game Nerd" persona and your "real" self?

Yes. Totally different person. AVGN is a character

5. Was your video game collection always as large as it appears in the videos, or is it large now due to fans sending you old games?

Alot of it was given by mike matei. many of the nes games. a lot of the consoles. Atari, 5200, top loader, turbo grapx, Panasonic 3do.. and some is from fans.

6. What was it like getting to go to E3 2007?

Great. You can see the videos of the event at www.screwattack.com.

7. What games are you currently playing(on current consoles)?

Don’t really have time with this AVGN filming schedule.

8. How long does it take, on average, to make a new "Angry Video Game Nerd" video?

Aprrox. 30 hours.

9. What's on your iPod?

lots of stuff. Black Sabbath, Guns and Roses, Judas Priest, ACDC, Zeppelin, Rob Zombie, Pink Floyd, The Offspring, The Who, Misfits, Van Halen, Ramones..etc.

10. What's on your Tivo/DVR?

old horror movies

11. What are some of your favorite games?

On NES: Zelda, Super Mario 3, Contra, Mega Man 2, Castlevania 3, Double Dragon 2, Punch Out, Metroid. On SNES: Mario Paint, Zelda: Link to the Past, Super Metroid, F-Zero, Super Castlevania 4, Final Fantasy 3 (6 in Japan), Chrono Trigger, Donkey Kong Country 1 & 2, Super Street Fighter 2, Mortal Kombat 2, Killer Instinct, TMNT 4, Super Mario World, Star Fox.

12. Any ideas floating around for upcoming game reviews?

About 10 million. For one thing we get about 1000 requests everyday. And you can go to screwattack.com/forums and look at the thread for Game Suggestions. But besides that, we already have videos lined up into 2008.

13. Any words of advice for people?

Fuck Shit Ass and Balls.

7/19/07- Asshole of the Month...

2007-07-19T21:45:00.000-05:00

This month's asshole:

William Jameson from Harrisburg, Pennsylvania.

Young Billy decided one day that it would be funny to play a prank on his girlfriend by tampering with her...well.....how can I put this, "feminine hygiene products". From this point on I'm going to just be very blunt and frank, so don't say I didn't warn you. He snuck into her bathroom while she was at work, took out all of her tampons, dipped them in carburetor fluid, let them dry, put them back into their cases, sealed them with glue, and waited for her to have her "time of the month"(note: carburetor fluid has been known to burn, but does not cause long-term after-effects). When that time came, he knew because his girlfriend called him in a panic and screamed that she needed to go to the hospital because "her vagina was burning". Ultimately, there turned out to be no signs of any infection or serious problem.....except when the girl found out from one of William's friends about the carburetor fluid on her tampons. Naturally she dumped his ass, and you can pretty much figure out the rest.

So for dousing your girlfriend's tampons in carburetor fluid, covering it up, and costing her a trip to the emergency room, as well as your relationship, You[William Jameson] are this month's "Asshole of the Month".

And remember, keep sending in your submissions for next month's asshole to assholeofthemonth@hotmail.com.

7/18/07- I Now Pronounce You Fucking Stupid...

2007-07-18T22:32:00.000-05:00

"I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry" is just another example of how Adam Sandler is scraping the bottom of the barrel, as of late.

The downfall showed some signs with "Punch Drunk Love". "Anger Management" quelled these feelings, if just for only a little while. But after "50 First Dates" I started to realize it: This is the same exact movie as "The Wedding Singer"! Think about it. Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore starring together, romantic comedy, slightly raunchy yet high-brow, Rob Schneider cameo. There's a formula to this shit.

Then came "Spanglish". Enough said.

After that came "The Longest Yard". No Drew Barrymore, but they decided to keep the Rob Schneider cameo for good measure. Now the shit really starts to hit the fan. "Click"? "CLICK"!? What the fuck was he thinking? "Reign Over Me"? A heart-warming tale about race relations in a post-9/11 climate co-starring Don Cheadle? Now they're just trying to fuck with me. This can't be happening.

Now we reach present day with "I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry". A movie about two dudes(Sandler and Kevin James) who get married in order to collect benefits for James' kids. It just seems so stupid, un-inspired, and ripped from the headlines-esque. It comes across as trying to jump aboard the cultural trend of the moment(gay marriage).

Let's just hope that he doesn't start to stoop to making sequels. Can you imagine "50 Second Dates" or "Nine Crazy Nights"?

7/17/07- It came from Youtube!...

2007-07-17T11:18:00.000-05:00

I'm switching it up a bit this time around. Instead of supplying you with some absurd finding from Myspace, I'm opting to present you with an absurd finding from Youtube.

This video is truly a Youtube gem that was well worth finding. It is a fan-made video to accompany the song "Ralph Wiggum" by Bloodhound Gang. The entire song is just a collection of Ralph Wiggum quotes from The Simpsons. The video shows the respective scene to accompany it's respective lyric. Enjoy!

7/16/07- "Transformers": Finally, a Michael Bay movie worth writing home about...

2007-07-16T03:27:00.000-05:00

I finally went to see "Transformers" this weekend, and now I'm left wondering what took me so long. This movie is the exact definition of a summer blockbuster.

First of all, I have to just point out how shallow and stupidly pompous some movie critics are. You see, many critics who somehow found "Transformers" to not be their cup of tea had along the lines of this to say: The plot is so unrealistic, How do the cars transform?, Why do they transform?, Why are the robots fighting a senseless war on earth?.

To all of the movie critics who did not enjoy "Transformers": You are all a bunch of fucking idiots! It's a fucking movie! It's not real! It's based off of a children's toy/cartoon! I go to the movies to be entertained, and that's what "Transformers" did: ENTERTAIN! I don't go to the movie theater to watch a linear story with heavy, boring, real-life style dialogue(I can get that anywhere and everywhere).

When I go to see a movie I want to forget about my problems for a few hours and enjoy watching something that would never happen in real life, like robots beating the shit out of each other, taking innocent lives, and destroying everything in their path. Sounds fucking awesome, right? Well it is!

Bottom line: If you long to see everything, and more, described in that last paragraph, then get up off your ass, get your hands on ten dollars, and go enjoy an action-packed roller coaster for a few hours.

This week's guest: Karl Koch...

2007-07-13T05:05:00.000-05:00

Karl Koch is the official archivist for the rock band Weezer. As a longtime friend of the band since 1991, Koch has performed many jobs for the band over the years including roadie and historian. His production credits include the band's DVD, "Video Capture Device" and videos for "Pink Triangle", "Photograph", "Slob" and the video for The Special Goodness' "Life Goes By" of which Weezer's Pat Wilson is a member. Karl Koch also has in his possession one of the only full copies of the unreleased Weezer songs that were to be collaborated on Songs from the Black Hole (an album that Weezer fans have been hoping for the release of since it became known) and hundreds and hundreds of other unreleased Weezer recordings as well as over 10,000 LPs in his personal record archive. He is very involved with the band but is rarely seen. He is often concidered the 5th member due to all of his many contributions to the band. Karl appears in Weezer's 2006 music video for "Perfect Situation" as well as the 1995 video for "Say It Ain't So." Koch writes his own experimental/electronica music as "Karlophone" (www.karlophone.com). His 2002 LP "Press Any Key to Begin" has received some attention for its creativity and innovation. More recently, Karlophone has released a 7" record titled "Desire". His latest album, "I Must Find This Karlophone" has also recently been released by CDBaby. And now on to the interview:

1. How did you first meet Weezer and get involved with them?

I was their roommate and friend before they were even a band. I drove them and their gear to their early gigs because i loved their songs.

2. Do you think that "Songs From The Black Hole" will ever get released in one form or another? And what's it like to own one of the only three copies of it?

I can only go with my gut feeling, its all i have on this one. And my gut tells me that yes, someday in some form or another, there will be some sort of release of the black hole material. What its like to own it...Well, there's a CD on a shelf, and its mine. That's it. I try not to think about the insanity that the knowledge of the existence of this music has caused amongst the faithful fans.

3. Was albumsix.com REALLY just some fan linking to the Weezer website just to stir rumors of a sixth album, or was it actually you or someone else involved with the band or record label?

it was NOT me or the label. It was really just a fan. I didn't know it was a fan for sure till recently actually, but i can vouch that its the truth now.

4. Speaking of album six, any details on that as of late(possible title, tracks, anything)?

nope.

5. What was it like getting to make Video Capture Device?

it was a thrill, albeit a frustrating, confusing, maddening one. It was awesome having so much say over a project that i knew was going to get a big release, but that was also frightening! Like: i knew what i thought was cool, but I'm just one dude, and i could be wrong! it was a bummer dealing with usage rights, a lot of cool stuff was cut, or blurred to the point of ruining it. it was fascinating learning how the stuff is edited, assembled, touched up, etc. Just watching the guy working on the "Smoke" and "Flame" rigs was cool, not to mention the countless hours in assembly, editing, sound synching, authoring, etc. A total learning experience. I'm overall happy with the result but if i could do it over again it would be better.

6. How did you get involved with making your own music?

a combination of my various musical friends and the Weezer guys recording so many demos and me witnessing how they did it. Realizing that my lack of musical training was a big hindrance, despite my growing tech knowledge, sense of melody and song structure. Lightbulb moment was in about 1997 with the advent of the cheap sampler and non-linear editing - now i had a way to make music!

7. How would you describe your style of music?

mixed media collage in the form of mostly instrumental mellow hip-hop. verses choruses and bridges, the way songs flow naturally.

8. Do you feel that alot of the music industry today has become too commercialized and cookie-cutter?

Yes. there's so much one could say on this. its a major bummer. But on the other hand, there's SO many indies now, plus the explosion of micro labels and myspace bands that just do their own thing. The most exciting stuff is almost always on small labels or from bands who came from small labels originally.

9. What has been the greatest single moment of your life so far?

Geez.....I tend to think in phases of time. you look back and things get grouped, and each stretch of time has its unique beautiful character with places, feelings, people, funny moments, etc... its really quite overwhelming to look back on the countless cool times I've experienced. Always comes back to the people you're with i think. You know, i don't think i can single out even 10 top moments - its MUCH easier to come up with 2-3 WORST moments actually - because they tend to stop the flow so completely that you can never forget them. But in all cases, these good and bad times are probably a bit too private for an interview.

10. If you could offer any advice to an aspiring musician out there, what would it be?

its a cliche but very true: planning gets you nowhere - its the actual doing that gets albums finished, shows booked, t-shirts printed etc. Use the web to its full potential - but remember that making an impression in the real world has a lot more impact than a click or a download can. Master both worlds if possible.

7/12/07- Let ye without sin cast the first stone...

2007-07-12T21:16:00.000-05:00

Back in the early 90's, many people complained about two events that happened in music: Milli Vanilli lip-syncing and Vanilla Ice sampling Queen and David Bowie. The outrage that still goes on about these two events proves that today's "artists" are a bunch of hypocrites.

The Milli Vanilli incident. After they were caught lip-syncing, everyone and their mother, who was in some way involved with the recording industry, panned the duo. They were both run out of town and never heard from again. But these days, artists lip-syncing a song at a live performance is actually extremely common. I don't see the Grammy committee breaking any appointments to call a press conference and take away J-Lo's Grammys.

Vanilla Ice. To all the rappers out there today who call out people like Vanilla Ice, shame on you. How dare you criticize someone who, while even though his music still sucked in any case, sampled music beds from REAL artists of yesteryear. Sampling has become one of the most common practices in music today. It really is hypocrisy at it's finest.

Note: The fact that I am using these two musical acts as examples does not in any way, shape, or form imply that their music is, in fact, any good. Listening to either of these musical acts may result in a poor taste in music and/or friends.

7/11/07- Saturday morning shuffle...

2007-07-11T21:51:00.000-05:00

Back in the 90's, cartoons and Saturday mornings went together like peanut butter and jelly, bacon and eggs, or Courtney Love and rehab. What has happened to ye old giant of Saturday morning kid-dom.

When I was a kid I was lucky enough to be around in the exact apex of Saturday morning cartoons. FOX had you covered with all of the superhero cartoons, WB had all of the silly cartoons, and ABC had alot of short-lived yet popular shows that have since gained niche audiences and cult status.

These days, I turn on the television on a Saturday morning(not that I watch cartoons at 18 years old, but it's fun to look back and check out how times have changed every now and again) and every single cartoon is some action-packed Japanese absurd concept that is somehow not that different then all of the other absurd Japanese concept-style cartoons.

What happened? How I now look back and long for the days of Animaniacs, Pinky and the Brain, Batman/Superman Adventures, X-Men, Spiderman, Transformers: Beast Wars, The Tick, and so many more.

Thank you corporate America, for raping Saturday mornings of their once glorious luster and replacing it with Japanimation clones.

7/10/07- Video capture device...

2007-07-10T19:06:00.000-05:00

It's pretty fucking amazing how fast technology has improved all around since the 90's.

Take the camcorder for instance. Just ten years ago we were still forced to shell out big buck for an even bigger piece of equipment that just did standard VHS recordings. Now they come standard along with cameras inside all cell phones.

Speaking of which, cell phones have made some of the biggest strides technology wise since....well...the telephone? I mean, these things used to be big, bulky, and cumbersome to carry around. And all you could do was just talk on it. These days most cell phones are twice the size of your thumb and can do everything form take pictures, play music, record video, and even play video games.

Video games have also come along way. Can you imagine that at the start of the 90's we only had the 16 bit Nintendo Entertainment System? Now we have the HD ready Xbox 360! Amazing. How the fuck did we go from Super Mario to Gears of War anyway?

And finally, speaking of war, Back in the 90's we were in the middle of a war in Iraq under President Bush. Today, circa 2007, we are in the middle of a war in Iraq under President Bush. History repeating itself at it's finest.

7/9/07- Random Thoughts: 90's Edition...

2007-07-09T14:37:00.000-05:00

To kick off 90's week I'm going to delve into my head and fish out some good old fashioned cynical observations about generation x.

* I like how everyone was fucking raving about boy bands back in the late 90's while I was telling everyone that they were all fags. Well, it's 2007 and it looks like a few million people owe me an apology.

* What was Nintendo thinking(and smoking) when they invented the Virtual Boy?

* Was "Super Mario Brothers" really that bad of a movie in retrospect?

* The Atkins diet made it's debut in the 90's. Millions bought into it. They must have all forgotten that Dr. Atkins died of heart disease. Whoops!

* Why in God's name would I want to "sweat to the oldies"? Let alone with Richard Simmons.

* Tamagotchi: For retards who can't take care of a REAL pet.

* The children of one female juror on the O.J. Simpson trail were happy when the trial was finally over and their mother had returned home. And it's no wonder, because she lets them get away with murder.

* The 90's: A time before Adam Sandler became overrated.

* Imagine a time without EMO........the 90's were a great time to be alive.

* Then: Fox has two massive hit shows and nothing else. Now: Fox has two massive hit shows and nothing else.

* Back then, people actually went to places called "music stores" to purchase these things known as "compact discs".

* If Kurt Cobain had never killed himself then we would never have had the Foo Fighters, Probot, The Eagles of Death Metal, or that kick-ass Queens of the Stone Age album with Dave Grohl on drums. If Nirvana had kept in tact, sans Kurt's suicide, then they might have just made shittier and shittier albums. So thank you for killing yourself Mr. Cobain! It might just be the best thing you could have done.

7/6/07- We are all on drugs...

2007-07-06T19:07:00.000-05:00

What the fuck is going on in the world these days?

People are bombing buildings, children openly embrace ghetto culture in the suburbs, musical icons are formed out of shitty reality shows instead of actual talented people, people are wasting their money on iPhones, Mexicans are getting all of the jobs that teenagers and old people should be getting, Michael Bolton is still allowed to make music, Saturday Night Live is going down the shithole, MTV doesn't play music, G4 doesn't show video games, 60% of children are obese, Abe Vigoda STILL isn't dead yet, EMO is somehow the new dominant culture(WHY?!), Kanye West needs to shut his fucking mouth, MTV2 doesn't play music, the media has a liberal bias, FOX News has a conservative bias, terrestrial radio blows, Paris Hilton hasn't been assassinated yet, every other movie is a sequel, people can't take a fucking joke anymore, and Arnold Schwarzenegger is the Governor of California!

There are so many stupid mistakes and problems going on in the world today. Most of which could have been or still can be solved by using logic. Think about it, people. Give me your thoughts on some of them.

Weezer said it best: "We are all on drugs".