Recently, I started my new job at "Target". I am fast realizing how fucking stupid people can be. Some of the more stupid questions I've had to deal with over the past few weeks:
"How much is this?" I don't fucking know. How about you just open your fucking eyes and read the goddamn price tag, you dumb fuckstain.
"Can I try these underpants on before I buy them?" Are you fucking kidding me? Yes. By all means, go ahead and please enjoy de-fouling our store products with your hairy, crab-infested genitals and un-wiped ass.
"Do these pants make me look fat?" Nope. It's your huge ass that makes you look fat.
"Do you know where I could find the Malibu Barbie dolls?" Why would you even begin to assume that I have any fucking clue where to locate that particular item in the store? Now sporting goods and DVDs I can help you with. But use some common sense people.
"This [item] is broken. I want a refund." No! I'm not that dumb. I know full well that you went home, got your use out of [item], and then broke it intentionally so that you could get your money back. Nice try.
"I think I might have broken your toilet, can you....." NO! NO! NO! Whatever your question is, the answer is no.