Welcome to my second edition of "It came from Myspace!". Where I post some of the weirdest, funniest, and most random shit that Myspace has to offer. This little gem was a little something I found on the "about me" section of a guy with the display name: "Disco_Stu_69". It is very strange, very disgusting, and actually makes a hell of a lot of sense(if you can manage to get past all of the toilet humor, that is). You've been warned.
"I read once that the quickest way to get something ingested into the blood stream of the human body was not through the mouth, ala the pills that you see people with heart problems take. Rather, it's through the rectum. Seems that you have more nerve endings or whatnot there than anywhere else in the body. Kind of the last chance to suck out all of the goodness out of the corndogs you swallowed at the fair before they are shot down the crap pipe to infinity. That might explain why most of my more lucid thoughts come on the growler.
So, I'm reading a year old copy of Entertainment Weekly that someone at work was so kind as to leave in poopatory. I'm reading about some movie I didn't see with some people I don't know. Except, I think it had Val Kilmer in it. Looks like he had a crap face job circa Mickey Rorke in Harley Davidson and the Marlborough Man. God that was a shitty movie, yet I've see it 6 or 7 times. What does that say?
Anyhow, I put the magazine on the floor so I can finish my business and I realize that Val and Angelina Jolie are staring up at me from the cover while I perform my dirty deed. Now, I usually don't ponder on the merits of celebrity and what have you, but it strikes me: How odd. You are famous world wide, have bazillions of dollars and live in ways that would sicken most of the civilized world, yet you still have to sit on the cover of some magazine and watch me wipe my ass. How odd indeed. I wonder if Angelina Jolie has ever realized that. Out of all of the magazines that she has been in, how many have ended up on the toilet room floor with her locking eyes with some yokel as he wipes the rest of his digested corn bread and ham hocks off his spinct? Somehow, I think they can all keep their money and fame, no one wipes their ass to pictures of me, much less while I'm staring them in the face. That's all you Hollywood.
In conclusion: Fuck you Val Kilmer, Real Genius was a fuck awful movie. You're not Jim Morrison, I don't care how many moles you have removed."