Thursday, May 31, 2007

5/31/07- The B-Side...

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Usually when I type something up I have a few ideas for that day, but only one can be posted simply because of short length and content. This leaves me with a few excess blogs stored up in my Microsoft word. That's why the last day of every month will be the day that I let you all in on some of the ideas from the past month that didn't get front-loaded into this month's schedule. I call this: "The B-Side".

B-Side #1: Elmo doesn't care about black people...

This past week, the children's show Sesame Street opted not to include an African American puppet into their roster of flamboyant and acid trip-inspired characters. I'm sure that Al Sharpton is going to have a Field day with this one.

I guess the folks over at PBS don't want a black puppet on their show in order to downplay the fact that their show is already just one big ghetto stereotype. Think about it. Big Bird is the slumlord, Cookie Monster is a fast talking and fervid monster who can't live without cookies(a code word for cocaine), Oscar the Grouch is your typical burnt out junkie, and I don't even want to get into Bert and Ernie(but you know where I was going to go with that anyway).

B-Side #2: Hogzilla vs. Redneck Douchebag...

Yesterday it was reported all over the country that a redneck father and son team down south had killed the world's largest pig. The pig weighed in at a svelte 1200 lbs. So what did the father and son do with this gigantic piece of pork? The stuffed it and put it in their living room, of course.

What a bunch of fucking idiots. This pig could have easily fed the entire population of Africa, yet they simply just empty it out, stuff it with cotton, and place it in their living room. This is the reason other countries hate us. Two Americans have in their possession a pig that could feed them for life, yet they opt to have it stuffed and put in their house instead.

At least the poor children of Africa can take comfort in knowing that everytime one of these hillbilly fucks gets up in the middle of the night to take a piss, they'll have it scared out of them halfway to the bathroom by the haunting image of a 1000 lb hog in their foyer.