I was perusing around my Tivo the other day, when I stumbled upon a special on TLC about the life and times of the 750 pound man(you can see where this is going).This special was quite possibly the most unintentionally funny show I've ever seen. Here are some of my personal observations gathered from watching this hilarious obese man wobble around his house.
First and foremost, how in God's name does this guy wipe his ass? Does he have a special wand or stick with a towel on it to reach back there? Speaking of his fat ass, I forgot to mention that this guy is so fat that his ass has melded with his couch. Yup, you heard me right. His ass and couch are one in the same(I wish so badly that I was making this up).
Then you have his eating habits. He eats a whole pizza pie, a big case of Chinese takeout, a foot long hero, and two whole bottles of Pepsi to drink down with it. And that's just his lunch(again, I wish I was making this up).
Then you have this guy's wife(yes, he's married). This fat bitch has to be at least 450 pounds, easy. It's so funny to watch these two fat loads talk about dieting with each other. How much could they possibly lose if they both put their flabby minds to it? OK, let's assume they each drop 75, 100 pounds.....probably wouldn't even make a dent. Like people are going to walk up to him and go: "You know Bob, there's something different about you, but I can't quite put my finger on it." or "Look at you, you're a fucking rail."
But alas, our morbidly obese friend dies at the end of the show(that's some fucking finale). But before you all send me e-mails saying how mean I am for making fun of a man who died, I dare any of you to not laugh at the fact that when he died they had to cut the roof off of his house, lift him out with a crane, and bury him in a piano case(now that's comedy).