This month's asshole:
Young James here was feeling down one day, and decided to shake things up a bit. He decided to play a prank on his roommate. So he grabbed some saran wrap, ran into the bathroom, and made the old saran wrap on the toilet seat gag. When his roommate found out about this the hard way, he was understandably pissed. But when he walked outside the next morning he was further pissed off by the fact that James had also wrapped saran wrap around his entire car. Because he had to waste time ripping the saran wrap off of his car, he was late for work and docked pay.
Congratulations James! For making your roommate shit himself, wrapping his car in saran wrap, and forcing him to be late for work and lose a day's pay, I declare you a bonafide fucking asshole!
And remember, keep sending in your submissions for next month's asshole to firstname.lastname@example.org.