As most of you may know, this past Friday marked the first weekend in a string of prom weekends across America. I will dispense my very cynical thoughts on it now.
The hype. The biggest disappointment with prom, by far, has to be the actual prom itself. It has become way too over hyped and overrated. People expect there to be so much more then there actually is. They expect shit like flashy lights, a guy with a flamethrower lighting midgets on fire while singing "Living in America" by James Brown, the guys from blue man group shooting fireworks into a crowd of teachers, dogs with sharp teeth and rabies being released onto the middle of the dance floor during a massive, vomit-inducing slow dance session, among other awesome things that I want to happen but never do.
The after prom. Before I make my final and most striking point, I want to give you a quick cliff notes style look at some of the shit that has gone down at a local New York school's after prom down at the Jersey Shore:
*2 people arrested for disturbing the peace
*5 student fined for underage drinking
*2 instance of tea bagging someone while they were asleep
*dozens of unreported cases of underage drinking with intent to fuck with people when they passed out.
*3 televisions broken
*and 1 reported account of child pornography with intent to distribute.......just kidding.
And finally, the parents and their retarded guido children. These parents today have to be the biggest, most gullible, shit for brains people I've ever come across. Why do they just knowingly allow their kids to go rent hotel rooms at the jersey shore as an after-prom activity? What do they think that their little babies are going off to do at one in the morning after prom? Drink Sunny Delight and play Trivial Pursuit? They can't honestly be that stupid. They have to know, to some degree, that their kids are going off to get shitfaced and stoned out of their fucking minds. Great. And when your child gets sent home in handcuffs for making an ass out of themselves, or better yet, comes home pre-packaged in a cold body bag, I'll be laughing my fucking ass off as I read your child's obituary saying to myself: I told you so.
There. That cynical enough for you?