*I wrote this after I finally decided to click on one of those flashing signs on myspace that tell you that you have just won some big prize like a new cell phone or an x-box. What a fucking rip-off. And yes, I know that this blog post might just have the worst grammatical and punctuation errors of any I've ever written, so I actually went back and did a spell check on it so at least if I can't correct the punctuation, at least the grammar could be spruced up a bit. So fuck off! This post was written on May 4, 2006.
Well, it's time to put to rest the claims that you can get a "free*" (fill in the blank) if you beat a mini-game, correctly answer a question or just give your opinion on something... *With participation. Has anyone ever tried to claim the "free*" prize? Well one day out of curiosity I decided to see what it takes to try and claim my prize. I answered a question in which I actually didn't know the answer to and still don't know cause I was never told whether or not I answered the correctly! Anyway, using fake information I ventured out in search of my "free*" gift. The first challenge I faced in this cyberspace gauntlet was a barrage of questions asking me such things as "Would you be interested in learning how you could earn $20,000 for college?" when I clicked "yes" I was brought to a US Army recruiting site where there was a recruitment form waiting for me to fill out. I then went back and clicked "No" for two reasons... one: No way in hell am I'm joining the army and two: I couldn't waste time filling out some stupid recruitment form, I had a "free*" gift waiting for me! So I continued to fill out the stupid questions that they kept asking, usually answering "no" just to quicken the pace but when a question popped up that was obviously not going to require me filling out a form I'd pick "yes" so it didn't look so obvious that I was rushing ... so after ten to fifteen minutes I finished up with their questions and then it came time to sign over my soul! I got a page with a list of stuff and instructions that said I had to sign up for TWO of the offers on the list... the list ranged from book clubs to Columbia House Music and DVDs. So I picked the Cd's and the DVDs... two things I could rush through. Then when I was done I got another page exactly like the one I just filled out but this time I had to sign up for THREE of the offers... You can only get your "free*" gift after they have verified that you signed up for the various things on the list. Then eventually there was another page just like the previous two but this time it was SIX offers... you could see where this was going. Finally it looked like there was some light at the end of the tunnel when I started to get up to the final steps. I had to go to some page and once again sign up for something, I don't even remember what it was I was just curious to find out if I had actually done the impossible. So I click the link to sign up for the last of my requirements, it opened a form in a new window and I filled it out and when I was done with it I submitted it and that went to another page that dealt with the offer I had just signed up for and that was obviously not leading me anywhere near my "free*" gift so I went back to the first window which contained the link to my final requirement and there was nothing... no way for me to advance past that page without going to the form for my final requirement and after I fill out the final requirement form I was taken off the path to my "free*" gift! So there I was after nearly forty minutes I had hit a dead end... I had been lead into a position where I could not advance any further. So I had "signed" up for all of those offers and all of those CD, DVD and book clubs... had I used my real info and was serious about claiming my "free*" gift I would've been shafted on the gift and gotten stuck blowing money on Cd's and DVDs. It's a clever little scam they got going on... lead you think that all you have to do is answer a few questions, sign up for a few clubs and then you go and hit a Internet dead end and it's too late cause you already signed up for all those offers... sure you get a bunch of Cd's and DVDs for like $0.12 each but then you have to buy a bunch more at regular price... usual music and movie club nonsense... "free*" gift my ass! The gift that I was promised I would receive after I had completed all my requirements was an XBOX 360... figured try and get the biggest thing I could find. We've all seen the variety of things promised for a few minutes of your time and now we know it's all bullshit! The only thing that gets me is that some of the ads promise a "free*" ring tone *with participation.... come the fuck on.... are you kidding me? I haven't tried to see what it takes to get a "free*" ring tone but I just hope it's not like what I went through to try and get an XBOX. An XBOX is almost if not $500... How much is a ring tone? $1.00??? I remember there were websites where I was downloading ring tones to my phone for free! Anyway, I hope I've provided some insight into those annoying little ads that promise us this and promise us that... all they are are clever ways of getting you to sign up for a bunch of shit without giving you shit. I'm just doing my part to help expose these frauds for what they are and at the same time hoping to inspire some of you to go out there and expose whatever bullshit you may come across.
*Oh wait, before I go I almost forgot to let you guys in on that "big announcement" that I promised you yesterday. Well, the big announcement is that there are only two myspace blogs left. So what am I going to do on fridays after I post these last two myspace blogs? Well, thanks to the power of google and all of my wasted high school years, I've been able to get some pretty well known comedians and radio personalities to submit rants, complaints about life, and some observational humor that I will start to post every friday starting sometime in early April. Goodbye "Myspace Friday" and say hello to "Guest Blogger" Fridays!
More info to come this sunday during the "State of the Blog".